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Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Late, a Latte and - Later - Lateritious

Yesterday morning I about had a panic attack when I looked at the clock and saw the numbers 8:24 staring back at me.  Because I had yet to pack the Tongginator's lunch, y'all.  Goodness, I hadn't even showered nor changed out of my pajamas.  Not to mention failing to check Squirt's diaper, put on her shoes, and on and on.

The bus comes at 8:37.

You see my dilemma.

I told the Tongginator that we - as a family - were running late.  Which is really code for Momma's running late, but whatever.  And then I ran around the house like a crazy person, trying to get ready fast enough to make it to school before the doors shut.  Because forget the bus.  The bus was now a much beloved, but (let's be realistic here) distant dream.  I managed to get myself, Squirt and the Tongginator's lunch ready in less than 30 minutes.


Mostly ready.

(This mostly caveat is important to the story, y'all.)

We made it to school just before the doors closed, and - as a reward to myself because I am nothing if not self-gratifying - I drove to our local coffee shop to pick up a latte.  Squirt happily listened to three different renditions of Old MacDonald while I idled through first the school drop-off and later the coffee shop drive-through lines.  Twice.  Making a grand total of SIX Old MacDonalds.  I mean, in case you stink at math like I do.

(I used a calculator for that little equation.)

(Or so the Tongginator thinks.)

(Just so you know.)

I thanked the nice Latte Lady, then drove home, happily sipping my latte and congratulating myself for avoiding a Tongginator tardy.  As I zipped along our local parkway, I heard a rolling and rattling sound coming from the trunk of my car.  Which triggered the realization that I had yet to drop off all of our  unopened gluten packages at our local food pantry.  Seeing as how I was driving past said local food pantry - located at a neighborhood church - I decided to zip into the church and ask when and where I could drop off all of that glutenous Squirt toxin.

I walked into the church office with Squirt on my hip.  A kind, little old lady working as the church secretary greeted me oh-so-nicely while Squirt fussed with the pair of broken kids sunglasses she insisted on wearing.  My hair still dripped from my shower.  I sported a ratty t-shirt, khaki capris and old beach sandals.  Squirt not only wore a pair of broken sunglasses, she looked super cute in a stained red t-shirt and a pair of thrice-passed-down jean shorts.  I smiled at the church secretary.  She smiled back.  And then...

TONGGU MOMMA: I heard from a neighbor that y'all have a food pantry here.  Is that true?

SECRETARY: Yes, it is.

Before I could open my mouth to speak, she continued...

SECRETARY: We don't usually take people back there at this time of day, but I can tell you're new here.  Why don't we head on back right now?

Total. Blank. Stare.


TONGGU MOMMA: Oh.  Oh!  That's very sweet, but I was actually wanting to drop off a donation.  It's a rather large bag, though, so I wanted to check and see where I should leave it.  I didn't want someone from the church to have to carry it.  And I also couldn't easily carry it with Squirt here on my hip, so I was hoping to leave her in the car while I ran it in.

We exchanged further pleasantries as she directed me to swing my car around the back of the building.  When she met me at the food pantry door, her jaw dropped at the size of the bag, so I explained about Squirt's medical issues and our new gluten-free diet.  She about danced with joy at all of that goodness.

And I?

I left brick-red in the face, knowing... well... knowing that I didn't exactly look my best.  And that's all I'm a-gonna say about that.

(Oh, and you totally googled the word lateritious, didn't you? That makes me proud. Heh.)


Aus said...

Lateritious - wow - that's a real $5.00 word (used to be a $0.50 - but inflation and all that!) Want me to offer a definition to the masses or should I make them all look it up? Well - actually - you did define it in the post, but I don't know how many will see that! What you may (or may not!) lack in math skills you make up for in vocab!

hugs - great stuff - great story -

aus and co.

Stefanie said...

Oh my. I can see why lateritious is a perfect word for this story!!
Funny stuff :)

Anonymous said...

Funny thing, when I went to a food pantry last week they assumed I was doing a drop off because I was in a suit after a job interview, it was way too embarrassing to correct that mistake so I pretended that I forgot the donation in my other car and proceeded to drive to a different food bank.

Casa Bicicleta said...

My clothing has elicited many comments. But uh....never one like you got.

Shari said...

I am cracking up because I was thinking you forgot Squirt's diaper and Lateritious is a Latte from her little behind onto your hip;)

Then I googled it and your post came up as #5 in the google search, so obviously many others needed the definition as well!

LucisMomma said...

So funny. You shoulda run by walmart, too, to be one of those famous (infamous??) "People of Walmart." I'm totally joshing, because I've BTDT running out of the house trying to get kids places while dressed in awful clothes.

And I did have to look up whatever that word was! I can't remember how to spell it now. :)

The Byrd's Nest said...

I just love your life:)

Kelley said...

Another glorious day in the life, right? Hee hee hee!!! LOVE your stories and writing style, girl!!