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Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Definitely Not a Brain Surgeon

So Mrs. O reprimanded me a few days ago because of my newly horrible blogging record.  I told her that I don't blog all that much anymore because my days consist of an endless stream of "in... out... in... out," although sometimes things get really exciting around here with a 15 minute version of "up... down... up... down" or "head... toes... neck... teeth... head... toes... head... and your head again."

I feel like a brain surgeon.

Or maybe just a urologist.

Because if I'm not playing endless rounds of peek-a-boo, or singing the twentieth version of Itsy-Bitsy Spider, then I am of course talking about the pee.

Because yes, y'all, it's still an issue, although much less of one.  It's less about medical stuff and more about Squirt's amazing ability to pee on people.  Or floors.  Or the couch.  Or whatever.  Until Squirt, I never knew girls could actually shoot up at the person changing their diapers.  The doctor tells me that all is anatomically correct with Squirt, she just possesses unusual agility that makes the upward Arc of Pee possible.  In the past three days, Squirt has peed on me and on the bathroom floor.  She's also spent more than two hours at the doctor's office while we waited for a urine sample.

I hate those bags.

Every time I bring in a urine sample, I invariably hand off the cup to someone who has yet to meet our Squirt.  They look at the pitiful amount of urine moistening the bottom of the cup, and tell me to give it another go.  They Need More Pee.  But then - miraculously - someone who knows Squirt always rounds the corner of the desk just in time to tell me not to bother.  Because they know how much Squirt loathes The Bag.  So she holds it; then she gushes.  Which means the bag tears off. 

And the pee spills out.

Making things rather challenging, since we have to obtain a urine sample from Squirt every time she runs a fever.  Even if she's simply teething.  Just to Be Sure.  Which is why we were at the doctor's office yesterday for over two hours.

I received a call at 5:08 PM yesterday telling me that Squirt's pee was clear.  Approximately five minutes later, Squirt let loose.  And by let loose I mean she has a stomach virus, if you get my meaning.  If you don't, let me just say that I threw away her clothes.  I almost threw away my clothes, but at the last minute I changed my mind and ran them through the sanitize option in our washing machine.  She had a bath.  I had a shower.  And we are calling the carpet cleaners in the morning.

Ah, well... at least it wasn't another urinary tract infection.  And now you understand why I'm not blogging all too often anymore.  Because who in their right mind talks about pee and poo and spiders this much?

I?  Am totally brain dead.

7 comments:

happygeek said...

I was gonna leave a witty comment.
But I run a dayhome. I do NOT do witty anymore.
I'll just say I was very glad to see your blog pop up in my reader.

Aus said...

Well - it's tough to be witty when speaking of biologicals - it really is - and this from a guy that thinks the triple-fatal accident yesterday is suitable dinner table conversation! ;)

But one thing is clear to me TM - while you may be busy - y'all are also happy....

and that's what it's all about - so I'll be happy too!

hugs - aus and co.

The Byrd's Nest said...

Oh dear...poor Mom and Squirt:( Praying for you my friend!!!!!!!!!!

lmgnyc said...

You must be exhausted. I don't know how you even had the energy to type out as much as you did. Hang in there TM. One of these days it'll get better....right? then we'll all be doing the happy dance with you and Squirt. Then maybe you can come up with a new nickname. ;-)

LucisMomma said...

Oh, so sorry! Prayers that she gets over the virus quickly and the rest of you don't catch it.

The exhaustion is so hard on mama. Praying for that, too.

Cedar said...

Oh my! Just oh my!

I'm glad you post even if it is about pee and poo...that is the 1st 5 years of motherhood for everyone.

Sharie said...

You know this too shall pass...

hee hee...couldn't resist:)