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Friday, June 3, 2011

It Wasn't Quite a COPS Episode

So I went to my bank yesterday since I had to have the Vaccination Affidavit notarized, among other things. As I walked into the bank, I noticed three people talking with three tellers and six people ahead of me in line. And that line? Was moving S-L-O-W. (Sorry, y'all. I have a seven-year-old. They spell a lot. Like, a lot a lot. If you didn't know.) Anyways, the line was moving slow, which kinda irritated me a bit, since it's not like I don't have anything better to do right now. Oh, and because the person in front of my asthmatic self was a smoker.

And the person behind me?

Didn't understand the meaning of Sensory Personal Space.

To make matters worse, the line was moving S-L-O-W. Did I mention it was slow? It took over 15 minutes for me to enter the first place position in line. (Who knew when I woke up that would be an Actual Accomplishment in my day?) With over 15 minutes to observe The Bank People, I came to realize that the three tellers had their hands full. One teller was heavily involved in a Long And Complicated Transaction with a cute little old lady holding a huge handbag. The second teller didn't seem too bright, as she kept disappearing, leaving a somewhat scantily clad woman tapping her foot at the counter. (I mention the bank customer's dress, or rather the lack there of, for a reason. It's important to the story.) The third teller was just trying to get through the horde of people who entered the bank just then.

(Seriously, by the time I left, y'all, there were at least 20 to 25 people in line.)

But oh, my lands!, y'all, what happened in between my First Place In Line achievement and actually leaving the building. Because as I stood there, waiting for Teller Three to beckon me, the door to the bank opened. And in walked two police officers, one male and one female, with their hands resting on the butts of their guns. As they walked past me in line, I heard Teller Three quietly say to them "white shirt, green shorts."

And that's when the handcuffs came out.

Seriously, y'all. HANDCUFFS.

I don't know if they arrested the woman or not, but they "escorted" the impatient, toe-tapping lady into the bank manager's office. The manager's office which, by the way, has interior glass walls. Every! single! bank! patron! and several tellers turned to observe, with all the attention of individuals watching reality TV. Another cop walked in a few minutes later, although he wasn't actually touching his weapon as he entered. Which seemed to generate relief and disappointment at the same time from the crowd.

I promise y'all there were people in there who wished for movie popcorn.

Or Twitter.

Or something.

I'm not exactly sure what happened. I'm confident it wasn't a robbery, since the woman wore practically no clothing and therefore had few places to conceal a weapon; plus, the officers entered cautiously, but not as if it was an emergency. I'm guessing it involved some kind of bank fraud, counterfeit something or a warrant out for her arrest. Or maybe it was a case of mistaken identity. (I mean, let's give her the benefit of the doubt, shall we?)

But I learned several valuable lessons:

1. The toe-tapping, scantily clad woman - if she was guilty of nefariousness - quite probably wasn't too bright. Because who sticks around for more than 15 minutes, attempting to engage in potentially illegal activities while the bank teller stalls for time?

2. That bank teller? Was actually quite bright. Which means I assumed the worse and was proven prideful and just plain W-R-O-N-G. (Again, I have a seven-year-old. I apologize.)

3. Going to the bank one week before an international adoption trip might actually be a highly safe experience. Because three armed officers were present during 80% of my visit.

I'm just saying.


Aus said...

TM - how do you get into this stuff? Having been a gun toting and badge carrying kind of guy for something over 30 years now - I'm guessing identity theft...your young bimbette was likely being someone she was not! Oh - and the reason for the 'gun prepping' - not the bimbette - but her perhaps unknown (and probably gun carrying) partner who could have been anyone else in the bank! The third guy was undoubtly a boss summoned because banks and cops are careful like that!

Still - kinda cool - and don't dis yourself too much about the bank teller - most of the time you'd be right!

hugs - aus and co.

prechrswife said...

Wow...what a story...glad to hear it was not any more eventful than it actually was.

lmgnyc said...

Wait a second, was the guy in line in front of you smoking in the bank? Or did he just SMELL like smoke?

Handcuffs? Heck, I'm from NY, we see that all the time. But smoke? That outrages me.

McNew Family said...

Wow - what an exciting trip to the bank! I see that congratulations are in order, too - congrats on your upcoming trip to your newest daughter! I have been out of blogland for awhile - just trying to catch up! We are also headed back to China for our 3rd little blessing - of course not soon enough, though!

Beyond Normal Limits said...

You used the word "nefariousness". Not only do you make me laugh and make my heart expand on a regular basis, but you have an awesome vocabulary! Thank you.

Momma C said...

When we were in line to get our police clearances, we noticed they seemed to be taking a REALLY LONG TIME to get the guy at the window his paperwork. Next thing we know, two deputies walk in, one stands in front of the door, the other pulls out the handcuffs and they arrest the guy at the window. So I guess the moral of the story is that if it seems the people on the other side are taking a really long time to complete your transaction you probably should start to worry......

Cedar said...

Thanks for the laugh, update, and spelling and vocab lesson. I think I also learned the same lesson as Momma C.

Briana's Mom said...

So glad the "white shirt, green shorts" wasn't you. Whew! And with all that waiting, at least you walked away with an interesting story to tell.

"Indescribable" said...

I'm still stuck on notarizing vaccinations! You mean after the homestudy and dossier we have fingerprints and THEN we have to get our vaccinations notarized!!!???

Aunt LoLo said...

Oh, UGH. Scary!!

The Gang's Momma! said...

OMIGOSH! How DO you get into these scrapes? And JUST as funny as your EXCELLENTLY woven tale with outstanding use of the word nefariousness are all the comments that follow. DEEEEELIGHTFUL!

I love Aus's point of view. It's so fun having an law enforcement perspective on these adventures of yours :)

Glad you are okay. Glad the lady in next-to-nothing didn't have a partner that actually materialized. THAT would have made the news, I'll bet :)

Jaggerfan1 said...

Or Facebook, lol! I've had my share of odd moments. Like last summer, around 7:00 in the morning, on a Saturday, I was trying to sleep, when my annoying next door neighbor starts a knocking on our door saying there's a dead body out front, so naturally I don't believe when my dad spreads the word, so naturally my curiosity is thru the roof, so I go out front, and sure enough, there's the dead body of an older, heavyset man in his what appeared to be mid 50s laying on the sidewalk in waht appeared to be workout clothes, and what's strange? I saw this man jogging at 11:00 the previous night ALIVE! Our yard was crime scene taped off as potential evidence, and a couple cops came to talk to us about if we saw anything, I brought up the matter of seeing him alive the night before jogging, although I didn't know if it would help, and we saw the ME(Medical Examiner for those who may not know) show up and load up the body to take to the Campbell County Coroners Office. It was so sad to see this guy laying on the sidewalk dead and his obituary was in the paper later in the week, it said his name was Michael Friday, and that he died of a heart attack or for those who prefer scientific names for stuff, myocardial infarction, sorry, medical history and anything medical is an interest of mine, lol.

It said that his weight might have been the trigger for the heart attack. But yeah, that's what happened last summer for me.

Mahmee said...

Hey, at least there was a show while you waited. Many moons ago when I was a bank branch supervisor, I had to keep a guy in my window with a forged check transaction for 35 minutes while we waited for the FBI. Amazing what some people will believe. I would defintely call that guy and scantily-clad lady members of Club S-L-O-W.
The world is a fascinating place.
May the remaining time before your trip be filled with a little less excitement!

Sharie said...

Man I think I'd have left after 5 minutes of waiting. I guess patience is not only a virtue, but it buys a good show:)