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Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Random Thoughts

The Tongginator attended school yesterday for a half-day. She is off of school today and tomorrow, then returns to class Thursday. While I am very happy to have some extra time with my gal, who thought THAT was a good idea?

I'd love some picture book ideas from y'all about becoming an older sibling. Because, while the Tongginator feels extremely excited to soon meet her mei mei, she is also a bit apprehensive about what this means for our family. We already own My Mei Mei by Ed Young and Just Add One Chinese Sister by Patricia McMahon. I've seen Waiting for May by Janet Morgan Stoeke as well. Any other ideas?

The Husband freaked out a bit last night because the Tongginator received a birthday party invitation. From A Boy. And - as far as I know - she is the only girl invitee. When I reminded Husband that said girl child is Just Seven, he retorted, "and soon she will be seventeen. You'll have to take her. I can't handle it."

I'm not a huge fan of Oprah (apologies to Oprah Lovers Everywhere), but I did watch the show yesterday, since I learned the show's topic dealt directly with adoption. The Husband watched it with me after the Tongginator went to bed, and it was a difficult show for us both to watch. You know, because he has half-siblings he has never met. And because the Tongginator's godfather - our very close friend - discovered the existence of his own half-siblings at age 41, only two months before his father's - their father's - death. If you saw it, what did y'all think of the show?

My hair is yet again approaching Mullet Stage. I am so grateful I have an appointment scheduled for tomorrow.

That is all.


Number 6 and no more counting! said...

You are so funny "mullet stage"!


Number 6 and no more counting! said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Aus said...

Didn't see O - don't know if I could bring myself to regardless of the subject! Hey Tdad - we have to deal with this - it's required - but as she get's older and actually decides to 'go on a date' I have a couple ground rules - such as - "If a car pulls up on the drive and honks the horn - they better be delivering a pizza because NO ONE is leaving with them!" - and I've made it a point to be cleaning my shot gun when the 'boy' makes his first visit to the house......they generally get the idea at that point! ;)

hugs - aus and co.

sara said...

Husband and I watched the show last night and had a gut wrenching moment when Patricia said she had her own daugther so young because she was looking for a piece of herself. That she wanted to look around and see someone who shared that self. I so hope Pie doesn't go through that. I am hoping beyond hope that the fact that we have an open adoption and her first family is in her life will soften the blow of moments like that for her.

Anonymous said...

I think you should be flattered that she was invited to a boy party. It means she fits in with them and they like playing with her. It's a compliment! :)

Mrs. O

autumnesf said...

Daddy needs to get a grip. LOL! At this age its easy!

Last year I had to say no to 3 sleepovers the teen (14) wanted to go to because they were boy and girl. One was even the cast party after their last play performance (that she had a part in). NO. I can't believe we take sex so lightly now that we would throw our teens into situations that are all about opportunities to make a decision they can't support when the consequences roll around. Its one thing to have kids making the opportunity ......its another to throw them into it. Yes. We are the super mean and backwards parents that don't allow coed sleepovers.

prechrswife said...

Don't worry about the boy thing right now. MJ's best friends are all boys. :-) Thankfully, their parties have all been co-ed so far, so we haven't had her as the only girl invited yet (except for play dates). She is however, the only girl on her basketball team.

Wendy said...

Wait until she's a teenager and they want to have co-ed sleepovers and can't understand why you say no, because they're just friends, after all.

Don't like Oprah either, but saw snippets of the show.

Here's my schedule the past two weeks: Monday-No School MLK Day, Tuesday-No School SNOW, Wednesday-Delayed Opening SNOW, Thursday-School, Friday-NO School SNOW, Monday-Delayed Opening COLD buses wouldn't start, Tuesday-No School SNOW.

I expect tomorrow will be an early dismissal, and with 18" coming on top of the 6 feet we have now, another snow day on Thursday.

Love my girl...but that's enough Mama time for me. Time to go back to school.

Anonymous said...

I was going to comment on the Oprah show, but I can't seem to breath right... co-ed sleep-overs for teenagers???
Jaw still hanging open....

The Gang's Momma! said...

Okay. One bit of randomness at a time.

Just watched my dvr'd episode of Oprah's big revelation. My first thought is JUST HOW VERY MUCH GOD must love Patricia (not news, I know, but how cherished she must feel) for all the information to come together and the final details fall into place in such a providential way. He knew her heart and her need and He orchestrated a story that no man could ever write. No such thing as coincidences, my pastor used to say. Only God-incidences.

Which brings me to my second thought: how many God-incidences will continue to happen in O's life before she acknowledges and honors and submits to the ONE true God of the Universe that created her and has been relentlessly pursuing her for her entire life? And on the heels of that thought, I'm struck by how careless I have often become with that same love that He has for me.

Another thought is that I thought it rather in-delicate (actually, I thought stronger words but I'm trying to be nice) that Oprah asked all those probing questions of her mother in front of this newly-discovered sister. I noticed that Patricia seemed to be carrying that same shame (in that conversation with their mother) that Oprah's mother was laboring under, the more private the questions became the more Patricia seemed weighed down.

I totally started crying when she said that she'd never heard before that she was a pretty baby. My heart just broke for her and that loss. It seemed to embody all the loss that she felt her whole life, in that one sentence.

Regarding the conversation with their mother: I would have loved for them to have waited until their mother was obviously more okay with the situation and its issues, (Less surprised and/or embarrassed?) before they sat down for that talk, all three of them with cameras rolling. I mean, have the talk with all three of you if you must. Say the things that you need to say, about the burden you carried or the thoughts you had or the pain you felt upon going back to find the baby gone. But do it in private first and let some of it settle in. Really, maybe that part of all of it would have been better left private if the mother was still tender and not totally connected/ing with it all.

Finally re: the O show, and you know it's not finally cuz I always have more to say!, I was struck by the demeanor that Patricia had during O's discussion of her "epiphany" about their mother's shame and being so "stuck" in 1963. Easy for O to "release" her mother from that burden - but did it need to be said in front of her sister? Who may not feel that same degree of release and forgiveness? I felt so sad for the mother. For the sister. Yippee that Miss O has all that self-awareness and enlightenment. But it really felt awkward watching Patricia's face while O was talking thru that part. I literally cringed watching it while chopping my ham and taters for dinner.

As for the random-ness of boy-girl party invites, leading into co-ed sleep-overs and all? OY! What on EARTH are parents thinking? I know my kids (particularly LadyBug) probably really hate this, but we don't generally do sleep-overs with anyone. Save for a couple families that we've become very close to and my sister's kids. And only very rarely at that. I just can't bring myself to feel okay about them regularly sleeping under someone else's roof. And NEVER co-ed. I'm not known as the "fun mom" around here but I just don't see much reason for the vast amount of sleep-overs that my daughter's friends all have with each other every single weekend. I want them to be home and I think as moms we need to make our kids want to BE home. Stepping off my soapbox now... lest I go OFF on this topic and so many others related to it!


autumnesf said...

Its good to see other moms that are horrified with the coed sleepovers as teens. We dealt with it with our teen son and now our teen daughter. That crazy thing is that the other parents can be down right vicious and ugly about us saying no. We are backwards, overbearing idiots in their eyes. THATS the truly shocking part.

The Byrd's Nest said...

I'm certain you don't have a mullet;) You make me smile.

How odd to have odd days off during the week? Is it because of weather?

I know she must be feeling a little anxiety about the "unknown" of her little Mei Mei. Yay for all of the books that have been written to help all of us AP's!

hmmm...the only girl at an all boy party...I don't think so:)

Mary said...

Hey, de-lurking to chime in about the sleepover thing. We rarely do sleepovers as well, and NEVER co-ed. That is completely crazy! Rest assured, you're not the only overbearing and fun-sucking parents out there, we're right there with ya!

snekcip said...

"The Gang's Momma" mirrored my sentiments exactly about the "O" episode to a "T"! I also cried when she said "I never heard anyone say I was a pretty baby"! Oh how that tore at my soul! I think "O" feels that she just because she has that "epiphany" does not alleviated years of Patricia's pain. I thought it was insensitive in a manner and self-righteousness at it's best. I saw the pain in Patricia's eyes as she sorted through all her emotions before MILLIONS of people. I saw the shame and guilt her mother felt, as she never once looked at Patricia the whole time...just down at the table where they were seated. That episode was very emotional for me and I cannot even imagine the emotions it "stirred up" in many adoptees who are "searching" for that connection. All in all, it was truly orchestrated by God and I feel God uses some people as a vessel to "carry the message" to so many of us still "floating hopelessly" in a "sea of despair". Patricia is "that vessel". Very poignant and emotional story.

snekcip said...

So far as co-ed sleepovers....my mouth is like :-0!! I've never heard of such a thing! Who in their RIGHT MIND would let that go on?!! That's seriously asking for trouble!!

Mahmee said...

Hoping that Operation Mullet Removal was successful! Ha ha.

LaLa said...

Twice this year we have been to bday parties where Annslee was the only girl in the class invited. The only problem is she wanted some of her girl friends there but she had a blast anyway. I think it really just means our girls can hang with the boys. Annslee says she likes playing with them because "they will play whatever I want" Yeah, girls are much harder for her to boss around : )

Laurie said...

So, who are these parents allowing the co-ed sleepovers? What is their defense for doing this? I have never heard of that!

My comments on the Oprah show got wayyyy too long, so I'll just say this- although there were parts that made me uncomfortable/sad, it was their choice to present it this way, so I'm going to respect that. :) It made me want to call up my mom and say, "Do WE have any family secrets you'd like to share?" Ha! :)

Kristin said...

Tell your hubby to not panic. Being the "only girl invited" at age 7 is not necessarily a sign of times to come. At least, I hope not. We have that same scenario on Saturday.

But I can say with some confidence since I have a 19 year old daughter as well so have already been there before!

Life with Kaishon said...

I didn't see the Oprah. I want to watch it though.
Thanks for reading BuckarooMama's interview. Isn't she a gem!

Laughing my head off about the Birthday party! HILARIOUS! : )

Reena said...

I missed most of the Oprah show. I think it is unfortunate that so much of their story has to play out in the media-- but when you are as famous as Oprah, I can understand the decision.

Our oldest is quite a bit younger than the Tongginator-- of all the books about having a younger sister, "On Mother's Lap," was the favorite. Not about adoption or bringing home baby-- simply that there is always room on mother's lap.