About Me

My little button

Our Little Tongginator

Blog Archive

Design by

Weaksauce Blogs
Monday, December 13, 2010

Our 6th Panda Day

Six years ago today the Husband and I saw our Tongginator's face for the very first time. I remember sitting in our social worker's office, holding the Tongginator's referral photographs in my hand, thinking, "I'm going to be a MOM. She is going to be my daughter." The moment was indescribable except to say that it was not love at first sight.

It was more of an, "oh... so this really IS happening" kind of moment.

Not that the Tongginator wasn't cute. Because she was totally cute. Well, to be completely honest, two of her three referral photographs looked really cute. And the third? Hmm... let's just say that the Tongginator's personality truly shines through in that photo. Because in that photo my thoroughly adorable daughter was showing her Tongginator side.

Yep, y'all, she was yelling.

I won't ever forget the moment I first saw her face. In that second, all of my hopes and dreams stared back at me from a little three by five inch snapshot. I didn't presume to know her in that instant. In fact, all I could think was that we had a long road ahead of us, getting to know one another. Little did I know how very right I was.

She was and is beautiful, inside and out.

Her referral paperwork also shared some oh-so-accurate bits of information about our little gal. Things like "she is a very sound sleeper" and she "enjoys mimicking facial expressions;" that she "has a ready smile" and "loves listening to music." And, of course, my personal favorite: "she is impatient at times, especially when she sees food."


(They knew her well. They truly did.)

As our family celebrates the Tongginator's referral day - the day we call Panda Day - I can't help but wonder what our next child's referral will be like. What will her photos look like? How will her personality profile describe her? These last few months of waiting definitely feel the most difficult. With the Tongginator, our wait happened in the blink of an eye; I barely breathed through it all.

This time... we've been waiting exactly four-and-a-half years today.

After such a long wait, I worry that I'll forget the getting to know you process is slow. That I have to meet her as she is, not as I hope she will be. That she will be a different child from the Tongginator. I worry that I'll project issues onto her that might not be there, simply because our road with the Tongginator felt so very bumpy, for so very long. I just... worry.

And then the Tongginator smiles at me from across the room and I don't worry anymore. Because I know that - no matter what - we'll get through it. Because it's not about how difficult or easy it is - it's about commitment. And resources. And God's timing.

Since she's at school today, the Tongginator and I watched her "China baby movie" of our adoption trip yesterday. For the first time, she noticed how agitated I appeared in the moments just before meeting her. She asked me why, and I replied, "Honey Bear, Momma was nervous. I was so nervous to meet you."

TONGGINATOR: You were nervous to meet me? You were scared? Why were you scared? I was just a tiny baby.

TONGGU MOMMA: Oh, Honey, I wasn't scared of YOU. I was scared to become a Mommy. I didn't know what I was doing because I'd never been a mommy before. I was afraid that I'd mess up.

She grinned at me then, patted my cheek, and said, "but we got through it, didn't we, Mom?"

Yes, we did, Tongginator. Yes, we did. And we will again very soon.


Number 6 and no more counting! said...

aw, I love this sweet post!


Mia_h_n said...

Aw, that put a lump in my throat.

I understand that your wait has been LOOONG and why you worry. Even though you now know how to be a Mommy this is a new kid and so the "what if"s start lining up. And not that it stops the worrying or the questioning, but I believe that the fact that you're aware of this and have given it a lot of thought will eventually help you become the great Mommy you are to your new child aswell.
I have no doubt :)

Kim K. said...

What a beautiful post. I always appreciate your honesty. I can't wait to follow your journey.

Aus said...

Morning TM - ya know - there are times when I'm convinced that your daughter is an 'old soul' - that's what Marie and I call these 'flashes' of maturity and wisdom that our little's should not yet get!

There really is something about our kids - but wow - what a world view!

And as for the wait - "We'll get through it - won't we Mom?"

hugs - great joy for you guys today -

aus and co.

Stefanie said...

So very soon! I can't wait to watch your journey to mei mei unfold...
And you are so wise to not project your experiences with the Tongginator onto your new daughter, every little one is so incredibly unique and your journey will be so different.
But oh SO blessed :)

Essie the Accidental Mommy said...

That is so sweet..... "we got thru it", the line gave me a great big smile this morning.

Meeting your next child where she is instead of where you want her to be, that is on my list of Things I Wish I Had Known to do! Of which, there are about 700 items on that list.

The Gang's Momma! said...

Awwww, Little T made me tear up. What a sweet perspective.

And I'm so excited to follow along with your mei mei's adventure. The unique-ness of each individual child God gives us to care for always surprises me. I mean, there are the basic similarities, be they mannerisms or stages, but EACH. KID. IS. SO. DIFFERENT. The learning curve is hard, bio or adopted. But so worth it. SO.

Michal said...

"Because it's not about how difficult or easy it is - it's about commitment. And resources. And God's timing."

I think, TM, that you can not possibly know how much this sentiment was needed today. I needed to read this. I am stuck here in the ethers of attachment and bonding and I am nearly in despair. Strangely enough the issues mostly seem to be on my part, my heart, my brain, my expectations. So being reminded to just keep my commitment and to keep on believing? Well, it was just what I needed.

Congratulations on your 6 years! That little girl you have is a firecracker and she must be the joy of your life.
I hope your journey to mei mei speeds up and that you have your second in your arms before you can believe it.

Myrnie said...

From the mouth of babes....she hit it spot on :)

Wendy said...

Such a sweet post today! I loved it. Lily and I were just having this same conversation this morning about the day we got our referral of her (it happens to be in a few days). I'm pretty sure she'll be sharing it with her entire 1st grade class today.

Happy Panda Day!

Gail said...

Happy 6th Panda day to you all, TM!

I love this post for many reasons, first of all because it's your special day. You also brought up some important things, namely how it takes time to get used to this person and see how their personality unfolds and 'meshes' with your family. 2 wonderful things you brought up are trying not to project your own expections about what this child is like or is to be. They are what they are and we love them unconditionally.
And it's all about commitment, you know my husband and I can personally attest to that one!

Big hugs to you TM! I can't wait to see your new mei mei with your family!

Cedar said...

Beautiful post.

Soo said...

Happy Panda Day to your family! That is too sweet. Most people I know call it Gotcha Day, but in my family it's Airplane Day (because I came over on an airplane..haha..very original).

Sunday said...

"but we got through it, didn't we, Mom?" ahhh, I love it, nothing is sweeter than the reassurance of our children.

Eileen said...

How sweet! Here's to hoping you don't hit 5 years waiting...

lmgnyc said...

I love that you shared your nervousness with her. It shows her that you were in it together as she so rightly pointed out and it brings you together emotionally. It deepens the bond between you.

You are an intuitive Momma, TM. You seem to know deep down what to say and how to be. You're going to be fine with #2. Just fine. ;-)

Special K said...

Happy Panda Day! I love her response to you about being scared. Amazing.

And yes... our wait is ridiculous. I can't wait to see it end for us both. :)

prechrswife said...

Happy Panda Day!!!

Lisa said...

She knew just what her Mama needed in that special moment.

Happy Panda Day to you all!!

Briana's Mom said...

Happy Panda Day. :) T said it just perfectly.

Sharie said...

OK her sweet comment brought tears to my eyes, you did get through it. I was so nervous the day I met Amelia that the dad's in our travel group ordered a beer for me at dinner before we met the girls.
I was still shaking so hard I'm not sure how I didn't drop her.

Kristi said...

"we got through it, didn't we, Mom?"
tear. so. sweet!
And you will again, I have no doubt!

Mahmee said...

Happy Panda Day! I didn't realize our 'family' dates were so close. With your sweet girl by your side, everything will work out just fine.

M3 said...

"we got through it mom" -- oh man I just love her. Happy Panda day to the whole family.

M3 said...

"we got through it mom" -- oh man I just love her. Happy Panda day to the whole family.

The Byrd's Nest said...

You're such a great Mom....seriously...I mean this. Isn't her reaction of you being scared of her so interesting? When Lottie says things like this it makes me want to get inside that little head and see what else is going on in there:)

I just wrote on my blog about our journey with Emma. God has really blessed me this week:) Love you!

Foxxy One said...

I'm new to your blog but my oh my did this post bring back my own memories of my referral. Congrats on a wonderful anniversary. Our paths sound very similar - hope you don't mind if I stick around :)

E said...

Isn't the whole process just surreal? When I think back on it, it is a wonder that we all don't TOTALLY lose it! Here's praying for blessings as you meet your next little one.