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Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Five Gifts I Want But Probably Won't Get (and for Good Reason)

Usually I never know what I want for Christmas. Because I am totally high maintenance. I admit it. I don't like it, but I admit it. It's not that I want to be high maintenance, it's just that I have asthma, and food allergies, and sensory issues, and I'm tough to fit when it comes to clothes.

That pretty much says it all, doesn't it?

Usually I ask others what I should ask for during the holidays and when my birthday rolls around. But this year... THIS YEAR I KNOW. Except I probably shouldn't actually ask for any of these gifts, even though I want them. (I am just difficult, aren't I?)

1. Shelby's Nike Free Run+ 2 DB Women's Shoe has plenty of heart. That's because it comes from fellow Tonggu adoptee Shelby Lee, a 12-year-old diagnosed with heart disease. After five surgeries to fix her heart, Shelby is now able to run, making this Nike Free Run+ a perfect tribute to her life story. Proceeds from the sale benefit Doernbecher Children's Hospital in Oregon, which is where Shelby received her heart surgeries.

The sockliner of Shelby's shoe features a hand-drawn map, tracing her journey from the Tonggu orphanage in China to her home in Oregon. Vibrant colors pop with her inspiring drawings along the lightweight midsole, and the turquoise upper reminds her of the sky. A broken heart with the word "China" is featured on the tongue of the left shoe, and a whole heart with "USA" is on the tongue of the right shoe. Shelby added this design element to show that her broken heart has been fixed.

Y'all... I so totally want a pair of these shoes. Only they are athletic shoes. RUNNING shoes, even. And I? I don't believe in running. I don't even believe in running away from someone holding a gun. Because - seriously - who can actually outrun a bullet? (Now if someone had a knife, maybe...) So I really want these shoes, but they don't seem practical for my lazy SensoryIHateToSweat asthmatic self. My husband says that if I own a pair of these shoes (ANY athletic shoes) they would be gainfully UNemployed.

2. The Slanket. It's totally warm. It's totally cozy. I mean, it's a blanket with arms and even a pocket for your feet. And I! am! always! cold! Enough said.


It's called the Slanket, y'all. THE. SLANKET. To quote my grandpa, it sounds like a loose woman. Plus, it's incredibly tacky looking. I already struggle in the shlumpadinka department. This I know. I want one, but I really shouldn't get one. Because I should know better. I should exercise self-control. Don't fly towards the light reach for the slanket, TM! (And neither should my relatives. If I receive anything thing slanket-related, other than this, I shall never forgive you. You will have tempted me to sin.)

[And that link? Is to an oh-so-awesome empty box, ready for an incredible, non-slanket related gift to go inside., but designed to elicit that oh-so-sick looking expression of "you got me a Slanket?" on Christmas morning.]

3. The DVD set of America's Next Top Model, seasons one through 13. I know, I know. Can you believe I'd even admit to this? I can't help it. As humiliating as it is, it's my Guilty Pleasure. I watch it every week. To make matters worse, Dory and I even discuss it at the bus stop on Thursday mornings during the season. But only when all of the other moms have left to walk home, of course.

But - for $65 - it's absolutely ridiculous. And I don't actually want it in my house, because then I'd have to actually admit to watching it. Plus, it's sold out, y'all. (Can you even believe that?!?!! It's SOLD OUT.)

4. My all-time favorite holiday movie is A Christmas Story. I love it so much, we used to have the infamous leg lamp. I say used to because we had to give it away last year. You see, it terrifies the Tongginator. She finally told me last January that it freaks her out, but don't ask me why, because I have absolutely! no! idea!

Except that once - when the Tongginator was a toddler - I took her with me into Victoria's Secret because I needed some new... unmentionables... and there was a manniquin in the dressing room adorned in fishnet stockings. It scared her to death then; it scares her to death now.

So... as much as I'd like to receive a new leg lamp, I can't if I want to be a good mom. I guess I should just ask for Tinker Toys instead.

5. Snowmen. Because Tonggu Grammy went crazy last year, when I said I didn't want them. Can you imagine what she'd do if I actually ADMITTED to it?


Buckeroomama said...

Since you admitted to watching America's Next Top Models, I will admit to watching Dancing With the Stars. ;p

Mia_h_n said...

Haha, you and I are SO! alike when it comes to the whole present thing :) Extermely high-maintenance.

I'm with you on no. 1. And why do you have to be a runner to get them? I'm sure the shoes won't know if you're walking or running in them ;)

I like no. 3, too. I don't know no.4 and come on! Who doesn't love a good snowman??

(Yes, I purposefully ignore no. 2!! ;p)

Kim K. said...

This is right up there as one of my favorite posts. I actually spit out coffee laughing this morning. I hope you get everything on your list. Tis the season!!

Aus said...

I am - by no means - high maintenance - but I DO have expensive tastes - shame on me!!

Oh - and take it from a 'retire' competitive shooter (I'm looking at a couple of my 'Top Gun' certs right now, but from back in the 90's!) - it's way harder to shoot well than it looks like on TV! Feel free to run from a gun - while you won't out run the bullet - you will make a MUCH more difficult target!! (and think about zig zagging!) ;)

hugs - great list - fun post!

aus and co.

Anonymous said...

I think you should get the sneakers anyway. They look fun to wear!

I'm sure you can get your fill of the leg lamp since it's on all day Christmas Day!

Here is a link to an awesome snuggly type thing. I think it's the same one DS got me a few years ago. Much better than the cheaper versions.


Have a great day!

Mrs. O :)

Elizabeth@Romans8:15 said...

the sneakers ARE awesome!
I have a snuggie. I got one for my birthday one year....like my 31st birthday or some such young age....and it is OH! SO! WARM!
You are missing out!

LucisMomma said...

Love those shoes! I am going to check them out.

A Christmas Story is my DH's favorite movie. You have good taste in films. :) And Miss T has good taste in lamps--I don't like that leg lamp, either!

Sherri said...

Don't knock the Slanket! Brookstone has a version of it that is made of their really soft blanket material....hubby and I have one of those. We love them.

We have a leg lamp, too. That made me chuckle that it freaks The Tongginator out.

And I watch ANTM. My 22 year old daughter and I love when they have marathons on--we waste entire days watching one episode after another.

Football and Fried Rice said...

Oh. You! are hilarious!! I actually had time to click on links and get a wonderful, funny, post this morning! I LOVE the empty "Blankez" box - can you even imagine someone's face when they unwrapped that??

my old neighbors (old as in they are in their 60s AND they aren't my neighbors anymore) sent me a Christmas ornament this year - of 2 people in bed (this santa & mrs. claus...it's not dirty..more claymation) Anyways, there they are, in bed with big santa like hats on and on the hats? It says THEIR names. So, now I have an ornament with someone elses' names on it - and they're in bed. Wow. Talk about wondering if you had been punked!?

I love all your stuff :-) And I think it's totally okay to wear running shoes for a doughnut & coffee run. Hey..it's running :)


Lisa said...

I saw those sneakers featured somewhere but this was the first pic ~ LOVE them!

AND since we are dishing here ;) my guilty pleasure(TV show) is Kleinfelds...the wedding dress store show! I know.....are you blackballing my blog now? Shrieking in horror? I understand, really I do.


I hope you get everything your heart desires!

Desiree' said...

Love the shoes!! Although I don't run either :)

And you know a certain network shows reruns of ALL the Top Models shows on Saturdays...not that I watch it or anything


Colin and Jill Canada said...

Listen, I'm all kinds of confused here! You want these or no!!

And that gift box, that is just hilarious. I mean, I'd die if I opened my gift and saw that box. I probably wouldn't even go any further to actually open the box and see that it wasn't infact a family blanket!

Not to mention the SLANKY comments - I almost died laughing at your grandpa's quote!!

One year, back when we were dating, my husband put a pair of his Dad's 'Long Johns' in a black garbage bag for me for Christmas and I opened it in front of his whole family. I think his dad was as shocked and mortified as I was!

Hope you get what you want, or don't want or something like that!! ;)


prechrswife said...

Love the post. And the shoes are amazing. You know, I need some new sneakers... Hmmm...

Half Gaelic, Half Garlic! said...

LOL... I would have never guessed America's Next Top Model!! I do on occasion get sucked into the drama if I am channel surfing! It is hard not to keep watching the girls and all that cattiness(sp?) that goes along with that kind of competition!

I think your hubby is wrong about that sneaks. You could pack them for China and put some major miles on them in just two weeks:)

Hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving and I am happy you are feeling better~



sara said...

As long as you promise not to tell anyone...I watch ANTM too. Have seen every episode, from every "cycle". It's my secret shame.

And a Christmas Story is a must in our house...we have the leg nightlight. Maybe you could get that and put it in your bathroom or closet or somewhere the Tongginator doesn't go. It's win win!

Serving the King said...

Well, here's my problem: I would comment on this post but I now must go change my pants from laughing so hard. Ummm, gee thanks for that. You crack me up!

Cedar said...

I love snowmen and for some of the same reasons! We had one out all year round once!

I did lose interest in ANTM after about cycle 9, but surely it isn't sold out everywhere?

I am not interested in getting clothes, jewelry or scented things from people, but I always have a game or two I'm happy to receive as a present.

LucisMomma said...

The shoes are not available in my size! boo hoo.

Tricia said...

I would love the shoes, but they don't come in my size. You should get them. They would be a great conversation starter to raise awareness and you are helping a worthy cause.

April said...

Oh my goodness we let the kids watch a Christmas Story for the first time last year. G had nightmares for DAYS about getting his tongue stuck to a pole! He even said he was scared to get near a cold pole for fear of his tongue freezing and it took forever explaining that you actually had to stick your tongue out and put it on the pole to get it stuck there in the first place. Who knew our kids could be such freak shows?? :) :)

Logical Libby said...

Last year I wanted a slanket more than anything in the world, but this year I know the truth -- they are horribly uncomfortable. Really, it feels like you are being strangled by felt.

I dig the shoes though.

Special K said...

I have a snuggie. Same concept. Mine is.....

wait for it...


I own the Christmas Story movie as well. "You'll shoot your eye out!"

Oh...and when I was laid out on the couch recovering from knee surgery last year my remote control stopped on a Real Housewives of Atlanta marathon...and now I'm hooked. That may be worse than ANTM.

pickel said...

okay, for someone who watches AMTM...why did I have to do your eye makeup?

kitchu said...

ANN WON!!!!! i almost screamed i was so happy.

i haven't missed a season yet. and just reading about your guilty pleasure which is also my guilty pleasure made me forget about that slanket.

Annie said...

Love the slanket! Too funny TM!!! The shoes are just the coolest and my hubby would agree with ya on A Christmas Story! He LOVES that movie! Me - not so much and I have to agree with the Tongginator on the leg lamp! Sorry:)

Sharie said...

My sister wants a heated slanket - if you see one, let me know. Perfect gift for all of the women in my family who don't have personal padding:)

Norah said...

You really had the leg lamp? ! The shoes are cool and hey, even if you never wear them (even if you do happen to run (I mean walk) into that guy with the gun) at least the proceeds go to something great!

Steph said...

Oh my gosh, I LOVE The Christmas Story! LOVE IT!! You know you can tour the house in Cleveland?!?! That would be so fun!

Patty O. said...

A Slanket????? That is hysterical. I still think snuglees are heinous, yet, I see the practicality, especially since I am freezing right now.

Yeah, that leg lamp would freak me out too. Something about a disembodied limb....

Aunt LoLo said...

I see absolutely nothing wrong with that list. :-)