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Sunday, November 28, 2010

Sunday Linkage

As always, I don't necessarily agree or disagree with these links, but I believe they are important to consider. For those of you new around here, I'm an adoptive momma. Each Sunday I try to post links relevant to the China-adoptive community. I read some of these linkage posts while nodding my head in agreement... others stretch my mind as I seek to understand. Always, always, I consider them.

Rest in Peace BJ Lifton -- adult adoptee (domestic) Amanda at The Declassified Adoptee... a tribute to adoptee rights activist Lifton

Adoption Adventure -- adoptive momma (Ukraine) Lisa Thompson at (in)courage... one family's spiritual journey through the adoption process

Your child may grow up to be a lot like me (and that's not such an awful thing) -- adult adoptee (Korea) Melissa at the group adoption blog Grown In My Heart... an excellent post every adoptive parent should read, in its entirety

There is coercion in adoption -- adoptive momma (Haiti) Christine at Welcome to My Brain... commentary and link about the recent post "Young Moms and Coercion in Adoption"

St. John's Adoption Conference: Thoughts, Reflections -- adult adoptee (Korea) Bae Gang Shik at The Transracial Korean Adoptee Nexus... on how adoption is portrayed in the media, with recent cases as examples

The Truth About Adoption -- adoptive momma (foster to adopt) Liza Weidle at Parenting.com... a frank article about one family's adoption journey through the foster care system, detailing the tough stuff that comes with adopting hurting children [HAT TIP to Malinda at Adoption Talk]

why adopt from there when there are children here?
-- adoptive momma (foster to adopt and Haiti) Kristen at Rage Against the Minivan... on sharing her family's adoption story with the general public, and highlighting a comment written by her friend, a former foster kid, that answers the question "why adopt internationally when there are so many children here in need of homes?"

Anger -- adoptive momma (China) lmgnyc at La Bicicleta... on her daughter's recent rages and how they tie in to adoption


Amanda said...

Thanks for sharing my link :-)

Wendy said...

As the mom of an adult adoptee, I highly recommend Melissa's post on Grown in My Heart.

Colin and Jill Canada said...

I would love to know if Melissa, who posted on Grown in My Heart, has a personal blog.

Thanks TM.

I really appreciated her post. And to be perfectly honest I haven't been reading any adult adoptees blogs, other than the odd post here and there. It's something I feel I really need to start doing.

Thanks again for posting these links.

a Tonggu Momma said...

Jill, Melissa regularly blogs at Yoon's Blur: http://yoonsblur.blogspot.com/ It's one of my personal favorites written by an adult adoptee.

Colin and Jill Canada said...

Thanks TM.

Patricia/NYC said...

wow...the last post, "Anger"...wow...we are there...totally there...right now.

Briana's Mom said...

I posted this comment on Kitchu's blog because she linked to Melissa's Grown In My Heart post - which is a really great post by the way. I thought I would post my comment here too...

"I read this article early this morning. It is wonderful. I try very hard to listen to the voice of adult adoptees - even if what they have to say is sometimes hard to hear or understand. I love that the author of this article makes everyone accountable for being civil and respectful - adoptive parents, adoptees and first parents.

I will say one thing though. There are a couple of blogs that I have come across lately (a couple of adult adoptee blogs in particular) that are down right vicious. Believe me - I approach them with an open mind when I go to them. And I try to read them, I really do. Some contain name calling and extremely nasty commentary. I personally find it difficult to hear, listen to and/or sympathize with anyone that is being that overtly and intentionally insulting and cruel. I wish I could get past it, but I guess I am just too sensitive. If a blog is too particularly vicious, I have a hard time going back to it. :( "

Wendy said...


AGREED!!! I certainly don't think you're too sensitive. Here's the thing. While we can agree as citizens of a free country to allow all voices to be heard, we don't have to subject ourselves to hate (and, as you say, there are some really hateful blogs out there). I personally don't believe it is my duty as an adoptive mom to read hateful, spiteful, vicious commentary on any aspect of adoption and accept it carte blanche all in the name of better informing myself on how my own children might feel some day or just because an adult adoptee has his/her right to his/her view of reality. That's all well and good. But I would no more subject myself repeatedly to white supremicist propaganda in the name of better informing myself on another's point of view. Just knowing it exists is enough, thankyouverymuch. I will continue to raise my children (one of whom is an adult) in an environment where they can feel comfortable and safe and free to be their own people. I don't need to pour over cruelly intentioned blogs to do that. As a matter of fact, when I was raising my older daughter there were no blogs. There was no internet. And somehow, lacking those resources, I think she turned out pretty terrific.

Colin and Jill Canada said...

I'm glad others are talking about this, because I really felt that I should be reading everything, whether it be nice or nasty, whether I like it or not - and at least better inform myself.

To be perfectly honest, the 'anger' part of the adult adoptees voice pretty much scares the wits out of me. And a part of me wants to believe that I maybe won't have to go through that, that maybe my daughter will be totally accepting of everything. BUT, the scared part of me, (or maybe it's the realist in me), wants to read read read everything, so I will know 'what's out there' or that maybe I'll 'find a solution' to help my daughter through the rough times.

I have a lot of changes to make and adjusting to do (within myself), because I am generally a 'fix it' person. You have a problem? Then here's a solution, fix it, start being happy, start enjoying life again. I am drawn to positive people and I find negativity really hard to listen to, or read. I generally listen to the negative for so long and then get disinterested. Especially if it is the same negativity over and over again and that person doesn't want help.

And I know that in some adoption related issues, there is no 'solution' or 'fix'. So yeah, I need to change my attitude.

Anyway, that's my banter for the day! :)


The Gang's Momma! said...

Great links as always. I thoroughly enjoy reading other points of view, often directed to them by this Sunday Linkage feature. What I do NOT enjoy is any of those points of view being stated in snarky, sarcastic, rude, mean or hurtful ways.

It's not to say that I don't try to "weed through" the stuff when I find such a post, but I don't very often go back for more. I want to know more, learn more, and stretch myself in this world of adoptive parenting. But it's not my whole world and I cannot spend my time being sucked into the conversations and debates that are coming out of these and other posts. For one (small) thing, I just can't have so much negativity staring me in the face all day - I have five kids to raise to adulthood and another one coming. I have to be more intentional in pointing us ALL to The Father and His plans for us!

It's a conscious choice on my part - my guide is THE WORD of God, and if what I'm reading or doing doesn't line up with that, THAT WORD and its STANDARDS are more likely to make me change than any angry post or heated vicious exchange in the comments. I think that often their very good, important points get lost in the vitriol.

Posts that can point me to a more honest and open evaluation of myself and my parenting by pointing me to THE WORD are the ones that will keep me coming back, time and again. Even if they aren't inherently religious or Christian posts/authors.

That being said, I find this SL feature one of the best launching points I have for evaluating myself along the journey of parenting my adopted Li'l E and many times her siblings who are bio-born. Thank you for offering this resource! You rock, TM!

Anonymous said...

This really solved my problem, thank you!

Rachel@just another day in paradise said...

oh, how I've missed reading your blog. Kev and I had this very conversation on our way home from my mom's house. He doesn't like stuffing, so he agreed my mom's could be the one we pass on to our children. . .My mom's is a tasty cornbread dressing; his mom's is tasteless. (Don't repeat that!) : )

Anonymous said...

Wow! Thank you! I always wanted to write in my site something like that. Can I take part of your post to my blog?