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Tuesday, September 7, 2010

20 Random Things That Make Me Cringe, In No Particular Order

1. random gray eyebrow hairs. And yes, y'all, I followed the advice of the majority and plucked it. Although I must confess I felt mightily tempted to follow your suggestions by dying it pink, adding glitter and making out with it.

2. preachers who sound like the priest from The Princess Bride. And yes, I once sat through a wedding ceremony where the pastor did, in fact, extol the virtues of mawage.

3. the word lavender. I flounder without spell-check when it comes to this word. Is it lavendar? Lavander? Unfortunately, I always find myself required to write it down on forms, since the Tongginator is highly allergic to the stuff. We even had to tear out the lavender bush in our herb garden a few years ago because it gave the Tongginator a rash whenever she walked by.

4. turkeys, specifically of the Hokie variety. Go Boise State!

5. an adoptive parent whose seven-year-old doesn't know yet that being adopted means having birthparents. This is mind-numbingly shocking to me. An adoptee should never remember not knowing that she is adopted, and that "adopted" means her first family could not or was not allowed to parent her.

6. mystery moisture. Y'all know what I'm talking about: any random liquid in a public place that you accidentally sit in/ touch, that derives from an unknown source and has pooled there an indeterminate amount of time.

7. teachers who prudently do not allow their students to use the word "stupid," yet decide - in their infinite wisdom - to read said students the Junie B. Jones book The STUPID, Smelly Bus.

8.You have reached the voice mailbox of 4-1-0---5-5-5---3-6-9-5. At the tone, please record your message. At the end of your message, you may hang up, or press 1 for more options. To leave a callback number, press 5. To page this person, press 8. If you still want to leave a message for this person, press 2 now. BEEP.

9. any comedy movie that focuses on a nerdy high school student. I cringe the entire time, probably because it hits too close to home. Ahem.

10. when newspapers, magazines and newscasters begin referring to insignificant events or controversies as Whatever-gate. I'm guessing a not-so-little intern named Monica forever ruined this for me. Because I never batted an eye at Watergate, Iran-gate and everything in between. But Monica, oh, Monica... you destroyed this phrase forever.

11. empty toilet paper rolls. For obvious reasons.

12. people that smoke in doorways. Because HELLO! some of us have ASTHMA! and can't BREATHE! when we walk past you. Then again, being smokers, they probably can't breathe very well either, so maybe this isn't high on their list of priorities.

13. married couples who fight via Facebook. Come on, y'all, you live in the same HOUSE. Step away from the keyboard and use! your! words! face-to-face. And privately. This is the Number One Reason I unfriend people on Facebook. I'm just saying.

14. people who refer to themselves in the third person. Yeah. Tonggu Momma doesn't like that at all.

15. the political show Crossfire. Why, oh why did this show air during dinnertime? It totally gave me heartburn. All that screaming... all that partisanship... all that arrogance. Ack! Let's all have a moment of silence to honor the fact that CNN finally canceled this show. And to honor my beloved John Stewart, who became a hero when he helped make that happen.

16. seeing someone leave the restroom without washing her hands. Because ew...

17. people with no concept of personal space. Newsflash, y'all... if you are standing in line, and the person in front of you steps forward even though the line isn't moving, and then you step forward, and that person steps forward AGAIN and turns around to look at you, that person is telling you that she can actually feel your breath on the back of her neck. Which means you need to back up. (Oh, and if someone standing in front of you actually keeps stepping forward, it's probably me. Which means we've unofficially met. Hi.)

18. when someone writes something borderline mean, then follows it up with a smiley face. :)

19. stupid names for children. Really, y'all, who actually names their children Felony, Tutu, Crash or Apple? As a former teacher, I've seen several cringe-worthy names. And yes, I consider this a form of child abuse. (And let's just conveniently ignore the fact that I call my daughter the Tongginator.)

20. people who can't find anything better to do than complain. Um... I guess that means I should stop talking now.

What about y'all?


Natalie said...

I've been a reader/lurker for a while now, but I had to come out of hiding to whole-heartedly agree with you on the hatred of mystery moisture. That and unknown squishy substances both make me cringe. Last summer, I made the mistake of forgetting my water shoes during a trip to a local water park. By the end of the day, my nerves were completely frazzled due to the contact with so many nasty substances. I will never forget the water shoes again!

Keating Mom said...

As for #17, you should do what Zeke does and just tell them, "You are in my space!" Apparently, it works for him;) And as for # 4, Really? The things you don't know about people!! YES to the smokers in doorways and married fighters on facebook!!!

Aus said...

#17 - offer them a mint and tell them you don't like what they had for lunch!

Names - I've spent my entire adult life in public service - 15 years or so in the 'hood - my fav bad name was "Fa ma lee" - "that's what was written on the pink card in the hospital when she was born - "Famale Doe" - yeah - true!

Love these lists - and Togginator is a 'pet name' - you won't tell us her 'real' one! ;) (did that qualify under #18? ;)

Hugs - you are a hoot!

aus and co.

heather said...

love the list and #6 had me dying laughing!

Number 6 and no more counting! said...

18 really hits me! As I have someone in my life who does that!!!!!!!!!!! Oh my, I am miffed now!


Football and Fried Rice said...

really? Boise State? Well, you should be happy now :)

Oh, I could second so many! And I'm probably guilty of a few too??

I better spend some time thinking about this ;)

Myrnie said...

Good list :) Parents who micro manage their kids make me sad...thinking about stupid things I said in the past 15 years, to people I'm no longer in contact with, makes me cringe. Big time.

my life, my loves! said...

I just peed my pants! thanks ;)

sara said...

#16 BIG TIME. That grosses me out so bad. And my boss is the worst culprit. I leave spare pens on teh corner of my desk so he will use those instead of the ones I actually like. THen I can pick them up (with a Kleenex of course) and throw them away.

And #19. Oh #19. I work with data and see an ungodly amount of these awful, awful names. In fact just last week had a Fellony...I think the two l's class it up though. Don't you?

Lisa said...

Well now....for the sake of argument and giving these folks the benefit of the doubt....*grin* let's just say that sometimes a Mama (third person...lol...cuz of course its NOT me!) skips the handwashing in said disgusting public bathroom in favor of applying antibacterial hand gel a safe distance from the "ickroom".

Yep, cuz hoisting said child up and leaning into that cesspool of gunk ( er...sink area) is NOT gonna happen unless its decent. Is it ever?

AND then you still have to grab a spare paper towel to open the bathroom door with.....

Just sayin'..... ;)

Mom2Four said...

Too funny! As for #7, one day my oldest told me that his 2nd grade teacher used the "S" word. I nearly lost it - until he said 'I never call anyone s-t-u-p-i-d'

As for #11, check out my post from a few days ago about the magical toilet paper holder at my house http://afamilyofsix.blogspot.com/2010/08/magical-toilet-paper-holder.html

AwesomeCloud and family said...

Oh no. AwesomeCloud is going to be in trouble all the time when he goes to school. I am of the philosophy that if a little kid can't use the word 'stupid', what is the word even for?

Kristi said...

Hey now, don't hate on the Hokies. I thought I liked you and all...
In all seriousness, we share many of the same "cringe inducing" things. Top of my list, number 5! I actually know someone who has yet to tell her seven year old son that he was adopted. Seriously, when we brought our oldest home, she specifically asked me not to tell him. This when she came to apologize to me because her son made fun of the fact that my daughter was Chinese... Sigh and double sigh!

Cassi said...

All I can say is . . . great list!

Mei Ling said...

#6 - Gross. Just gross. I don't care if it's just water. It might not be, for all I know!

#8 - I prefer direct lines. Not an automatic answering machine. >.>

#13 - ... are you serious? Like, for REAL?

Debby said...

I will add one..........
ADoptive mothers that tell their child that their birth brother died of pneumonia. Can you believe that in this day and age.
And to think we have mutual friends . The children were adopted at 4 and 5. They recently found each other on Face Book. The poor girl at first wanted a DNA
test but later her family admitted that yes she dd have a brother. Grrrrrr.

Kristin said...

Junie B Jones gets on my nerves! My 7 year old loves the books but I can't stand the dialogue. It makes me cringe.

Cavatica said...

Mysterious moisture!!! Love it. You're a poet!

What makes me cringe? Hearing repetative phrases over and over. I work with a woman who says, "and that kind of stuff" so many times that I find myself needing to tally them. Yet I can't bring myself to telling her about it. I think her life would be so much better if she could curb it, but ... Oh, all I can do is tally. Although I am grateful that someone once pointed out my repetative "ya knows" in my youth. It can happen to anyone, I think. Other weird grammar things. My mother did this to me, as yous might be guessing.

Becky Rodli said...

As a teacher I have heard my share of interesting names. My all time favorite....Unique. I am amazed at what parents do to their children.

Great list! Lots of laughs.

LucisMomma said...

Love your list! And Go, Boise State! I went to school there for 3 semesters before finishing up somewhere else. My folks and 2 siblings still live there. Got married in the cute little church that's on the edge of the parking lot by that big, blue football field. :) (there, got # 18 in there, too)

Gail said...

Mystery moisture. You made me laugh so hard with that one TM. Probably because I've seen it so many times...last on the plane flight we took to Mexico last month. And it was my seat(or the seat I was supposed to have). Fortunately I didn't have to sit there.

Awesome list btw. Loved #19. As a nurse who cared for newborns and preemies I could make a list of my own insane names. ugh.

Annie said...

Once again TM, you made me laugh out loud!! That whole thing about the mystery moisture is probably going to give me nightmares tonight but it WAS funny!!!! What drives me crazy is trying to call some company to get answers to questions or just plain old customer service and you have to go through a bizillion menus to just try and figure out how to actually TALK to a real live human being!!! UGH!! Drives me insane!

Rhonda said...

1. Glitter was the only way to go. Now I'm sad.

2. What's worse is I sat through a Bar Mitzvah this weekend with a kid who sounded like Barry Kripke (character on The Big Bang Theory). If you don't watch that, I'll be sadder.

3. Eek, glad the bush went...

4. I'll pretend to understand that, and cheer in unison.

5. No words. Really. I've heard of cases where parents don't talk about adoption until the child is in school. *blink*

6. *cringe*

7. Ahh, teachers who have their brains where they sit.

8. I'd just press every number until something happens or I launch the missiles.

9. Amen...

10. Mmmhmmm...I think I'll refrain from commenting on that one.

11. Ah, but the more important question is...do you put the toilet paper over or under when you replace it? Think carefully, I only talk to one kind of person...

12. What about restaurants that have their non-smoking sections up a few stairs? Hello. Smoke rises.

13. BRB, have to go text my husband.

14. Rhonda hates when people do that too.

15. ...reason #324234 why I <3 you.

16. Especially if they're in food service. Gnaw on that for a while.

17. Ha! Yeah, I have issues with personal space too.

18. Get out of my head, why don't you? :)

19. Ah the stories I could tell...

20. If you think you were complaining before, just imagine how everyone's going to feel after having to read my HUUUUGE response?

Janet said...

#6...oh yes! I HATE that stuff.

# 11...find someone who has a gerbil. They LOVE those.

# 12...has always been one of my pet peeves...and I don't have asthma. I just hate to be forced to breathe toxic chemicals. Call me crazy....

#18. You are a hag. :-)

The Drinkwaters said...

Random Moisture - Ewwwwwwwwww! Definitely makes my top three list!

While "Whatever-gate" doesn't really bother me (Can you tell I'm not an American) I really don't like the cutesy spliced names for celebrity couples: Bennifer, Bradjolina ect. Just because you are a couple doesn't mean you don't retain your own individual identity.

Sharie said...

When we are in a public restroom and Amelia sees someone walk out without washing she SCREAMS, "MOM, SHE didn't WASH her HANDS!" If that doesn't make them think twice I don't know what would.

You forgot #21 - All things Hello Kitty. And just to warn you Amelia is having a Hello Kitty 6th birthday party in a couple of weeks. The only reason; stuff 75% off and I couldn't pass up a bargain:)

Denise said...

You are so funny! I too hate stray eyebrow hairs! I have one to add...people who write checks drive me bananas...it felt good to get that off of my chest!!

Misty said...

oh, tm, this post was good, but the responses were too funny, too!!
related to personal space issues, you know that person who keeps creeping up on you at the supermarket checkout lane? like they are going to DIE if they can't start putting their groceries on teh conveyer belt but you still have half your cart to unload? yeah, that gets me.
cloudy perfume. period. there is no need to double spray, women and men. ever.
speeding thru parking lots. or thru the crosswalks in parking lots. grrrr. i have kids, people, and you can see the, b/cs they're holding my hands. yes, that means slow down.
ending sentences w/ at. gets under my skin every time.
i have a list, but i'll stop here!

kitchu said...

i cannot top one of these, and wow... we have like, everything in COMMON.

thanks for making me laugh through most of this. you certainly have a way with words my friend!

Aunt LoLo said...

1. Whining, especially from three year olds who are PERFECTLY capable of getting (whatever it is) themselves.

2. Lying. When I was in school, there was a girl who would lie about the time of day. Seriously! "Hey, A-, what time is it??" "Umm...about 12:30." (It was 3 in the afternoon.) And then she'd laugh like a drunk, and walk off.

Uhh....yeah. So, for a gullible girl like me, People Who Lie for Fun and Amusement...aren't high up on my Invite to Fun Parties list.

That's all that comes to mind. ;-)

Aunt LoLo said...

Oh, and mystery moisture!! When I lived in HK, water would randomly fall from the sky if you walked too close to the tall buildings. It was drips and drops from 27 stories of window-installed AC units. We called it "tsuen Juice". (A 'tsuen' being a really tall apartment building.) SO SO SO nasty if it fell on you. *shudder*

Patty O. said...

I totally agree with Aunt Lolo! When I lived in HK, I always cringed when something dripped, because you really have no proof that it is AC moisture. It could be so many other nastier things!

And the name thing? I totally agree. Why do people insist on naming their kids weird names? I have had so many people tell me that they are glad I named my kids "normal" names. Granted, most of these people were elderly and probably old-fashioned, but I am old-fashioned, too, I guess.

My personal favorite weird name was when I was a teacher. There was a girl named Aquanetta!

Anonymous said...

1. Parents who shop with very sick children. I think it's child abuse.
I know *I* would not want to be carted around in public if I was sick..
2.People who's ipods are too loud and playing music with many swear words that I can clearly hear.
3.Loitering in front of stairs.
Because I need to get through.
Also, you could have a bad fall if you do this!!
4.Bad grammar on public signs. Yes it can be funny, to a point, but it's also annoying.
5.Seeing an adult pick their nose and eat the results.

YoonSeon said...

HAHAHA! This post cracks me up! I can TOTALLY relate to the personal space one. I think that has GOT to be one of my biggest pet peeves. I HATE it when someone walks REALLY close to me on the footpath, even though they've got TONS of room, OTHER than my personal space in which to move! I'm just like "umm... MOVE!". LOL.

My other peeve is bad spelling. OK, a few mistakes here and there aren't bad, but not knowing the difference between "your" and "you're" annoys the HELL out of me!!!

I also hate smoking, too. I hate the smell of cigarettes. Ugh.

3 Peanuts said...

Love ypur list.....I need hep with #5 though. I talk very openly with Kate about this but at 4 she either doesn't want to acknowledge this fact or 2) pretends she doesn't get it or 3) really doesn't get it. Now I know she is only 4 but do I push it on her.

She will say she is adopted and the other day she asked to see her homecoming video but she will not communicate or acknowledge or respond at all to the fact that there was life with other parents. It is as though she cannot wrap her little mind around that yet.

She looks at me blankly when I talk to her about her foster Mom and her birth Mom. She is very willing to talk about when we brought her home but refuses to acknowledge the rest of the story....suggestions, please?

3 Peanuts said...

I am not a bad speller...just a terrible typist (and proofreader). I would delete that last comment but I am too lazy to start over. And when was a professor. I had a student named Daquiri!!!! Yes, like the drink!

Rachel@just another day in paradise said...

um, you had me till 19. . .with names like Kyler and Kady, we've heard a few comments on how we should have named our kids something else. . .

Mahmee said...

You forgot 'projectile vomiting'...although it is a rather fascinating phenomenon - for 2 seconds until you realize that you are the person who will be cleaning it up. Blech.