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Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Anonymous Gets a 7 (Out of 100)

I wanted to share with y'all how much I've appreciated the discussion sparked by my recent post about diversity: 7 out of 28. I loved hearing your thoughts in the comments and private emails, especially since there are so many valid viewpoints. What's interesting to me is that I agree with almost everyone, despite the many conflicting ideas... I just don't know yet what I agree with MOST. It is such a complex issue. Y'all offered some very perceptive opinions that I greatly appreciated. Wendy also recently wrote a thought-provoking post entitled Diversity: Is It Just Skin Deep? in response. Be sure to check it out; she definitely broadened my view.

So much to consider.

Some things, however, I really don't need to consider. Some things I just laugh at. Like Anonymous' comment on my post that states:
I have to go anon on this comment. I have given this a lot of thoughts over the years. I think maybe it is because your own close-mindedness that you think everybody else would think like you. If you had embraced your racially different child 100%, wouldn't you expect other people to accept him/her as much as you do? If yes, then why worry about diversity? The very fact that diversity is so important to you shows that you don't believe that your adopted child is your equal. Therefore, out of love and obligation, you would everything in your power to giver him/her a diverse environment.
Discuss amongst yourselves. (And don't worry about me. It really DID make me laugh.)

36 comments:

Aus said...

Huh?? I like to think of my self as creative - I have a reputation for being able to think outside the box - and even understanding convoluted logic of a 4 year old...and I'm sorry - I don't get this one....I'll check back after more coffee....

hugs - aus and co.

Tonggu Grammy said...

Double huh?? ALTHOUGH, there might be one valid point in this post. According to her grammy, the Tongginator may just surpass everyone in this family and therefore, probably shouldn't be considered the equal of anyone in this family!!!!!

I'm guessing that this person has never lived in an area where he/she was in the minority and 99% of the people looked different than himself/herself. It feels a bit funny to be in that position and so much more comfortable to have SOMEONE look a bit like you. Try living in a foreign country or working in an area where YOU are the one who looks different than everyone else. Then come talk to me again.

TM, you are doing the right thing for Miss T as she grows and develops. She needs to be exposed to people of all colors and socio-economic levels. You go Girl!

The Gang's Momma! said...

What's to discuss? It's preposterous to think that being 100% accepting of our racially diverse children translates to assuming that the world outside our doors will be the same. Preposterous!

I won't even go there with how I feel about the idea that "anon" is tagging you as close-minded or that you somehow believe your little T is not your equal...

Snarf. I think it's fair to say that she KNOWS she's not your equal. Remember, princesses don't kiss their subjects :)

autumnesf said...

You know. I could have saved myself a WHOLE LOT of worry and work and blood, sweat and tears if I would have just realized that I don't love my daughter enough to consider her equal and THAT is why I worry about diversity.

Who knew???????

Annie said...

YIKES! I can see why the poster went anon! I wouldn't want my name on that comment either!! Is the poster so close minded that he/she can't embrace his/her comment 100% If yes then why worry about what others say??? Hehe!! I agree TM - laughable!!

Wendy said...

What? Not" what?" over the fact that this person chooses to---I think--disagree with you. "What?" Over the fact that the comment doesn't really make sense logically. Maybe it's just too early in the morning or maybe it's that I'm officially middle-aged, but I just don't quite get what this person is trying to say to you or how she's trying to say it.

PS: thank's for the shout out and link back to my blog!

Kerrie said...

That reminds me of my daughter's best comeback when she doesn't like my agenda: "yeah? Well? You're not treating ME the way YOU want to be treated, you stupid ugly mommy."

Kate said...

Oh TM...I miss a few blog posts and then hop back in to see you've riled a few feathers in your honesty and quest for truth. Rock on...

I also don't even understand the comment above...it's like metacognition times 6. I am going to go back and catch up...and then perhaps my feeble mind might catch up.

I DO know without a shadow of a doubt that you are providing your daughter with a wonderful, thoughtful upbringing...and that you adore the ground she walks on.

Off to get up to speed...

Kate

Dawn said...

I don't know whether to say "huh?" or just "wow." I wouldn't have signed my name to that comment either!

Like I told you in my private email, I believe all mamas are given their mama's heart (no matter how their children arrived) so that they may best know their child's heart. Trust and it and ignore the rest.

Glad you were able to laugh. Be blessed!

Anonymous said...

Someone has been drinking too much kool-aid...Cheers to the delusional and ignorant!!!!

Rachel said...

I've been lurking on your blog for a long time and have never commented but now I just have to!

"Anonymous", I'm sorry but you are truly wrong on this. Spend some time with groups of people who are of a minority race. The only people who ever think that there is no racism or that "color doesn't matter and we're all equal" are white. Racism exists. It is a sign of white privilege that some white people believe that it doesn't.

I wish you were right - you have no idea how much I do. The most wonderful situation in the world would be the one that you describe. But, that is not reality. It would a huge disservice to our children to raise them with the idea that the world is color-blind. What a huge shock it would be to them when they find out otherwise.

Instead, we as transracially adoptive parents need to do our best to prepare our kids for the world they will encounter. I teach my kids that yes, everyone is the same inside and color shouldn't matter - but there are sadly many people who think it does and you have to know how to deal with those people.

Preparing our kids also means acknowledging that we don't have all the answers and that we need help from others to raise our child as a secure, confident and aware person of their race. That means, among other things, that we need to surround ourselves and our kids with people of other races (to the best of our ability - Tongu Mama's last post was a testimony to how hard that can be sometimes).

Wanda said...

Huh??????????

Thanks as always for opening up this discussion. It's great to get it all out there.

Nicole said...

I had to read that comment a couple of times because honestly, I wasn't even sure what it meant. I'm still a bit confused. What I get out of this is that it's all YOUR fault? Or something? I don't know.

Christie said...

Eek. I'm with Nicole. Confusing comment and then...to think that we don't see our children as our equal. Double eek.

I love that they prefaced with "I have to go anon on this comment".

Likely because they knew it was ridiculous!

prechrswife said...

Oh.my.word.

Jamey... said...

Lord have mercy.

sara said...

Thank goodness I stumbled across this comment while my daughter is still a baby. Now I won't have to spend the time worrying about her being racially different in a predominately white area because I don't love her enough. Wheh...that is a weight off!

Misty said...

hmph.
my facebook wall blew up yesterday b/cs of something i did not expect to elicit as much controversy as it did. it was about modesty in the church rather than racism, and yet i felt as if people were saying, it's your fault the church is so judgemental--when in fact i didn't think i was judging at all! ack!
all i can say is i'm glad you laughed (some of the comments on my wall made me chafe, to be honest) and that you know what is in your heart and that truly, it's b/twn you and God and T. you are doing your best as a parent and included in that is tackling some pretty big issues.

Magi said...

This sounds like the old argument against affirmative action. You know, if those fill-in-the-blank people were (choose one or more) smart enough, talented enough, good enough, etc..., they wouldn't need affirmative action. They'd be chosen over the innumerable members of the privileged group on their own merit. It's their fault if they can't get (choose one or more) that job, into school, join the club, etc...

Mahmee said...

Ha. Laughable, yes.
Dear Anon - how about it's her blog and she gets to write what she wants to? And why go 'anonymous' if you think you have something worth saying. Speak up for 'yourself'.
Rock ON TM!
M.

Kristi said...

I read this early this morning and am still trying to compose my thoughts enough to think of how to respond. Beyond, "What?"

Keating Mom said...

Glad you got a laugh out of that! I've been shaking my head all day.

Sherri said...

I just can't stop shaking my head. What does amuse me is that people who say ugly things like this always do so under the cloak of anonymity.

Sarah said...

I can't help but respond to Anon with a, "Uh... DUH." Shaking my head sadly.

April said...

ok I needed a good laugh and that just about did it!!

Being concerned about fundamental issues that may effect our children has nothing to do with how accepting we are of our child's race or ethnicity.

Thanks for sharing TM. I think a certain someone knew it sounded a bit outrageous and decided to not use their real name. If you're going to say it-own it!!!

discombobulated said...

It sounds like maybe anon's thoughts were not articulated clearly. I'm not really sure what he/she means, as the comment just doesn't seem to make sense.

malinda said...

What's creepy is that the "I have to go anon on this" comment makes it sound like this isn't just a drive-by troll but someone who reads and posts non-anonymously. Yech.

kitchu said...

Say what now? yes, that befuddled by such an extreme lack of logic or understanding.

Briana's Mom said...

I'm agreeing with the group in that this comment makes absolutely no sense. I'm going to comment based on what I think the commenter is trying to say, but again, the commenter does not clearly make a case.

I have read your blog for years. And I know you have completely embraced T as your daughter 100% - no 200%. You are one amazing mother. I believe the fact that you do recognize T as being racially different from you and that you do think about diversity and how she will have to navigate in this world proves how much you have embraced every single aspect of your daughter. You are showing your daughter that her race and her cultural history is just as important as yours.

Patty O. said...

I totally do not get this at all. How does wanting to expose your kid to diversity means you don't accept him or her. I want to expose my kids to as much diversity as possible, which is very difficult in our homogenous town. I try to expose him to not just other cultures, but also to kids with special needs, different ways of doing things, etc. Does that mean I do not accept my child?

I think this should be EVERY parent's goal, no matter what nationality their child is. But I also think it is especially important for kids who might be in the minority to have opportunities to be around other people of their culture. This is one reason why I take my son to Adventure Club, which is a group for kids with autism. Though he obviously spends much time with neurotypical kids, I think he needs to have time with kids like himself, kids with special needs, so he knows he's not alone and so maybe he can feel comfortable with who he is.

Does that mean I don't accept him as my equal?

Kristen {RAGE against the MINIVAN} said...

"The very fact that diversity is so important to you shows that you don't believe that your adopted child is your equal."

Oh that's good. That's so good.
(laughing, too)

Anonymous said...

I think anon (not me) completely missed the point and maybe that is why you laughed.

Cavatica said...

Hard to comment on when there's no logic. But one part that does make sense is the part about the assumption that if you embraced your child you would assume others would too? That is one of the most naive statements I've ever read/heard. One only has to see a very few environments to find that not everyone accepts everyone else, just because we do. It doesn't take much diversity, in my opinion. Strange comment.

Aunt LoLo said...

Missing the logic on this, BUT I get another's viewpoint that I wanted to share with you.

After you wrote your post, I spent a week with my (beautiful and full-on CHINESE sister in law). I asked her if it bothered her...being one of 10 non-white students in her ENTIRE (2,000) kid high school. (And certainly the only Chinese, except for her brother, my husband, for one year when she was a freshman.)

She looked at me like I was crazy. "Umm...we moved from Hong Kong to Utah. We didn't expect anyone NOT to be white!"

It made me laugh. She has a point. Although, the expectations of a 10 year old immigrant are probably different from those of a girl who doesn't remember anything BUT America.

And remember - I moved back to Seattle for two reasons: being near my family...and surrounding my children with faces like mine, their fathers AND theirs.

Georgia Peach said...

Shesh.
I hate to pile on, but..."HUH?"

Meliski said...

Ok, so I am a little late in reading this, therefore VERY late in commenting on it. But I had to chuckle when I read this because a friend of mine said this very same thing TO MY FACE last week!

Although, it was much less judgemental and more ignorant, she basically just said she thought I was too worried about race and that I sound paranoid and I am going to make my child feel bad "by always pointing out she is black."

LoL

Wow.