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Tuesday, June 8, 2010

MD Chainsaw Massacre

subtitled When Tree Trimming Goes Wrong... Very, VERY Wrong

I know I've told y'all many, many times how much I adore my neighbors. Truly, we know every single family on our street and absolutely adore the vast majority of them. One of our favorite families is an empty nest couple (D1 and D2) with three grown children who all attended our church's youth group while the husband and I volunteered with the youth ministry. We love this family because they are just amazingly compassionate, with tremendous servant hearts. In fact, everyone on the street loves them, from us to the beer guzzling Atheists on the corner to the Jewish family at the end of the cul-de-sac and all of the families in between.

Yes, Di and D2 are just THAT amazing.

And no, it has nothing to do with the fear D1 instills in others when he wields a chain saw.

Although maybe possibly.

On Memorial Day weekend, D1 stopped by our house, asking the husband if he could borrow our chainsaw. The husband, you see, is known as The Tool Guy on our street. Need a car tool? We own it. Need a power tool? Definitely have those. How about a random gardening tool like a post hole digger? Yep. We've got them all... in our garage. I find it absolutely amazing that I am able to park my car in there.

Anyways, when D1 asked to borrow our chainsaw, of course the husband said yes. But maybe he probably should have said no. Because now I don't know if D2, AKA the wife, will ever talk to us again. Because - as we quickly learned - D1, a chainsaw and a tree just don't mix, especially when D1 was in a heightened emotional state about what he called his BP problem. Only his BP acronym doesn't stand for British Petroleum, but for Bird Poop. He was going to win against the bird poop if it killed the tree him. Case in point...

Look! It's a Charlie Brown Pear Tree!

The husband brought the chainsaw to D1, stayed outside for about five minutes, then came to get me. He told me to bring my camera, then went back outside to watch the show. Because basically D1 stood at the top of the ladder, leveling the top of the tree with one horizontal swipe of the chainsaw while his wife watched in horror. Neighbors gathered in the street, wondering aloud if D2 would ever speak to us again. You know, because we gave her husband the chainsaw.

No more partridges in this pear tree! Can't you just tell how
absolutely! thrilled! D2 is just by looking at her body language?


D1 later told me that he was just trying to match the size of the tree you can see on the far left. You know, the one peeking out from the HUGE pile of branches he buzzed off of the newly trimmed tree. D2, his wife, wryly told me, "well... I guess they DO match now. I don't know why that other one never grew any bigger. It's the same type of tree." I whispered in her ear, "maybe it was afraid of your husband."

And, in case y'all think it might look better at night, I have to beg to differ.


There's a house for sale down the street. Just so you know.

Any buyers?

21 comments:

Andrea said...

Your hubby is like mine - if you need a tool, come to our house. If we don't have it, the neighbor down the street does. Poor tree and poor D2!

bbmomof2boys said...

We live in a division called Pinewood so naturally you would see a lot of pine trees, right? Well, we don't like pine trees! So we cut them ALL DOWN! We too had a gathering of neighbors out front wondering what in the world we were doing! Hmmm....wonder if that's why some of them don't talk to us now...nah....it's more likely the 2 teenage boys we brought up! :)

Hugs,
Carla

Aus said...

Hey - guys and power tools - looks fine to me!! ;)

Blogger was misbehaving yesterday - had to comment on the T's conversations too - TFN, friends, and Gatorade - if those are the most important things in T's life - well her folks must be doing a great job in keeping her warm, safe, and loved!

hugs - aus and co.

happygeek said...

IT almost makes me wish there was a humane society for trees.
IS his wife speaking to him yet?

prechrswife said...

Poor tree...

Kim K. said...

Ok. That's just horrifying. I can't even imagine the look no his wife's face (let alone the tone in the house) after this little disaster. Yikes!

Jennifer said...

This is one of the funniest things I have seen online in a long time. Poor tree and poor D2.

Sharon said...

hahahahaha POOOOR tree! So cute, YOU!!

Rachel@just another day in paradise said...

One of the therapists in our clinic is a "plant lady." She takes care of all things green. One day, we caught her outside in front of the clinic hacking a plant with a machete--seriously. We thought maybe she had lost it, so when she came back in, we (carefully) asked her if everything was ok. Her response? The plant was crooked, and she doesn't "deal with imperfection." I've felt sorry for her (grown) children ever since. . .

Desiree' said...

to funny!! Although I can't laugh that much, i did the same thing to our front tree while DH was out of town....Only had three of our neighbors out watching and wondering...LOL

Gail said...

Oh my word...when men with chainsaws go crazy!!!! wow.
poor tree.

I have to say I don't allow my husband to do any more tree trimming, etc. We have had similar events happen in the past. Must be in the man gene.

Lisa (Briana's Mom) said...

Did it at least fix the BP problem? If not - that's bird poop plus a tree hack job. Don't think any buyers are gonna buy that house down the street looking at all that. :)

Sharie said...

My dad lent me a chainsaw once...when my brother found out he said, "WHAT WAS HE THINKING?" I said, "It was just his little one." You see - dad wouldn't even let me mow the lawn as a kid for fear I would cut my toes off cause I'm a klutz. I have to say though - my tree looked WAY better than D2's. Although I did have some trouble getting all of the trimmings into the 3 ft sections the city requires - I actually did a sommersault over the pile - as a neighbor/co-worker drove by...Nah that wasn't embarassing.

Annie said...

Funny, TM! My hubby is the same way! I really have to watch him and his chainsaw but I think for him, it is more about power than bird poop!! hehe!!

Chandra said...

oh my...I don't think I would be speaking to D1 if I was D2. all I gotta say is...pathetic. hehehe

Patty O. said...

Wow, I'm speechless. Yikes.

On a side note, we actually own a post digger too. What nerds, huh?

Mary said...

My husband's dangerous with a chainsaw too... In the "but we were going to remove it entirely next year anyway" kind of way...

Luckily he agreed with me that large trees should be trimmed by a professional arborist!

Elizabeth Channel said...

That is so, so golden!

(We also own a post digger which makes me feel quite good about myself today. And we have a wet saw too.)

The Source said...

Oh my. Poor mangled up pear tree. He might as well have chopped it down completely. Must have learned his tree-hacking skillz where ever my hubby learned his.

Wanda said...

Oh dear. Good intentions gone terribly bad.

Trees do grow back though - like hair. We need to shut our eyes for awhile.
:)

Georgia Peach said...

BAH HA HAHAHAHAH! Oh my goodness, I can so relate to the wife in this story!! Have you seen what Big Apple did with the Bobcat yesterday? Boys and their toys!