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Thursday, May 20, 2010

Life Cycle of a China Adoption Blog

I remember cracking up at a post Sue wrote a couple of years ago entitled The Life Cycle of a Blog. Seriously, y'all, I'm chuckling right now just thinking about it. We bloggers are really a whacked group of people. (And no, of course I am totally not talking about You. I am talking about those Other People. You know the ones I mean. People like *cough, cough* me.) Still, Sue's post didn't quite fit me at the time. Because we China-adoption bloggers are probably even more whacked out than the average blogger. And here's why...

Life Cycle of a China Adoption Blog
  • Paperchase to adopt from China while trolling China Adopt Talk, but don't actually one-click over to read the Rumor Queen's blog because - really - reading blogs is for crazy people.
  • Log-in to the China line, probably in 2006, but maybe possibly in 2007 before the rules changed.
  • Continue to troll China Adoption Talk and possibly APC and your agency forum for at least six months and possibly years.
  • Slowly come to realize that these sites just recycle through the same old stories, questions and answers again and again... and again.
  • Admit that you will go crazy during this hideous wait if you don't do something new and different.
  • Begin reading the Rumor Queen's blog. Because maybe reading blogs isn't all that crazy after all.
  • Decide to start your own blog, albeit on a much smaller scale than the Rumor Queen.
  • Write a few self-conscious posts.
  • Receive absolutely no comments.
  • Start reading a few others' blogs.
  • Tentatively comment on others' blogs, but of course you can't just comment on ANYONE'S blog. (They'll totally think you are crazy.) Instead seek out blogs written by people with your same log-in month, or one near to it, or perhaps those using your same agency. But that's it. Because otherwise people will think you are crazy.
  • Receive a few comments in return.
  • Start becoming addicted to comments.
  • Realize this addiction is crazy because you don't even KNOW these people, for goodness sake.
  • Begin connecting with these bloggers you don't know because they are going just as psycho from the wait, The Wait, THE WAIT.
  • Realize that your addiction to comments is no longer crazy because These People are your FRIENDS, for goodness' sake, and no one else in your town/ city/ state understands because they have never adopted from China. Or they HAVE adopted from China, but they keep telling you to stop complaining about the wait because they adopted during SARS and had to wait over 18 months.
  • Complain about the SARS people on your blog.
  • Receive LOTS of comments.
  • Write posts on your monthly log-in date anniversary to mark the time. Maybe you even do something cute with ducks or a bracelet. Or maybe you will be totally lame like me and just whine! whine! whine! through each of those posts.
  • Read more blogs and make more friends.
  • Discover Thinking Adoption blogs like those written by Dawn, Heather and Malinda. Feel completely intimidated. Run away screaming. Because you? Are just not that smart.
  • Read even more blogs and make even more friends.
  • Return to the Thinking Adoption blogs - against your better judgment - because, duh, they really made you think. Continue to feel completely intimidated.
  • Watch friends travel to China to adopt their children.
  • Watch friends stop blogging or go private within a couple of months of traveling to China to adopt their children.
  • Make new friends.
  • Actually exchange phone numbers with a few of these new friends. Maybe even possibly meet a couple of them face-to-face.
  • Continue to write inane posts while secretly reading the totally intimidating Thinking Adoption blogs.
  • Stop posting about your monthly log-in date anniversary because - really - it's just too depressing. And it's getting boring after over two years of it.
  • Watch your new friends travel to China to adopt their children.
  • Watch your new friends stop blogging or go private within a couple of months of traveling to China to adopt their children.
  • Watch those friends who remain morph into photography bloggers. Since you know nothing about photography WHATSOEVER, continue to lurk on their blogs, but rarely comment. Because how many times can one person type out "love this photo!" even when you DO love the photos, but you know! absolutely! nothing! about any of the technical aspects?
  • Realize you just don't have the emotional energy to make even newer friends because it hurts too much when they drop off the face of the earth and/or start ignoring you.
  • Watch comments almost completely fade away. Going... going... gone.
  • Wonder if your old friends who used to comment still read your blog or if they've moved on because you offended them or something.
  • Cry.
  • Stop crying and get over yourself it.
  • Decide to go out on a limb and write a few Thinking Adoption posts.
  • Receive lots of comments.
  • Watch traffic go up, Up, UP.
  • Also receive hate emails.
  • Decide that you really aren't that smart or you would have known to avoid writing the Thinking Adoption posts.
  • Try to return to the funny route, but feel completely scarred by the hate emails.
  • Write posts that aren't actually funny.
  • Watch comments go DOWN, Down, down.
  • Assume that no one likes you anymore because you aren't funny.
  • Wonder if you should wait to stop blogging exactly 5.3 months after you arrive home from China, like pretty much everyone else, or if you should just stop blogging now.
  • Remember that blogging supposedly helps keep you from going CRAZY during the wait, so maybe you should continue doing it.
  • Consider the possibility that you are ALREADY crazy, but then decide you don't have enough information to say one way or the other.
  • Sit down to attempt yet another funny post that will probably fall flat.
  • Write this post instead.
  • The End.
Not that this post was about me. I meant it in the generic sense.

Of course I did.



LucisMomma said...

This is so funny! And true. I put a "where are you" map (from maploco) on my blog and now feel totally fine about not getting comments. Because usually there are lots of dots on there.

How insecure is that?! But I adore those dots! Had one from India the other day....

Anonymous said...

Just because we don't comment doesn't mean that we don't visit your blog or value your comments. I have two daughters from China. Don't plan on a third either, but locally it is difficult to find other AP's who like to think of the hard stuff. They are still in the land of lady bugs and red threads, which it is not when you return.
I like to read your blog because it validates some of my experiences, makes me think in new ways often, also it makes me not feel so crazy some times, and it's great to know that there is someone else who hates laundry.
So I repeat lack of comments does not mean lack of interest. When you've said it perfectly, what could I add?

Lori said...

Bahahahaha!!!!!!!!! This was seriously funny and sadly, seriously TRUE.

I feel like I've been to therapy, having read that. Thank you. I'll stick a check in the mail.

Happy Blogging!!

Kris said...

omg. don't you EVER stop woman. you are such a valued voice. i'd keel over. i would KEEL OVER.


Laurie said...

LOL - this is hilarious. :) I am so glad I 'found' your blog. And, I just took mine private (which I guess puts me somewhere in the middle?). I invited you to be a reader on mine though - I just want to know 'who' is reading now that Hannah is home.

Aus said...

Morning TM - yeah - ya know that's not all that much off base timeline wise!

But you left out that sometimes it is hard work to blog!

Oh - and Dr. Laura thinks that all bloggers are pretty much psychopathic self indulgent narcissitic (sp?) ego manic personality types....so.what's.her point? ;)

hugs - love it - continue in a like and similar fashion

aus and co.

bbmomof2boys said...

Comments - don't get many but that is really okay. Barring my soul - no, no, no. I have relatives who read the blog and I'm already a black sheep so I really don't want to be sacraficed to "those who know everything and too bad what you think". kwim? :)

Hmm...yeah...morphing into a photography blog - have had a few friends do that too after they came home.

And you crazy??? nahhh...who would believe that? I mean, pandas, naked laundry, snow poo...your not crazy at all!!!


Kelley said...

Hee, hee, hee! You left out the part about experiencing major paranoia that some psycho whacko is out there scoping out your pictures, so you agonize over whether or not to continue your blog...and how after two years of post-adoption cute 'going to the zoo' types of posts, you realize that you have no readers at all and figure there's not much point in blogging...so you delete your blog without having the intelligence to save all of the posts, and you immerse yourself in really cool blogs (like yours) and wish you were half the writer that Tonggu Momma is. :)

Donley Farm said...

I agree with Kris. Please don't stop blogging! I NEED you!

heather said...

well i, for one, am glad that you didn't stop blogging cause i just found you! :-) love the timeline though...LOL!

happygeek said...

This post made me laugh.
And laugh.
(Which hurts, but I still did)
Hate e-mails? Really? Really?
That's some messed up people there. What you said was done with love. And humour. And lots of thought.

Football & Fried Rice said...

i think you forgot 'threaten to go private' :)

you make me smile. every time i come over..go buy your self a cup of starbucks today..on me!


Elizabeth@Romans8:15 said...

Hilarious and TRUE!!!! Your blog better not go anywhere--it is desperately needed. I like the funny and I like the thinking posts!! If you drop off the face of the blogosphere after you travel, I will be devastated.

Chris said...

You crack me up!!

(Shea is wondering what is so funny!)

I love your list...so true, so true!!

Please know that WE NEED YOU!!! Well, at least I NEED YOU! lol

Your writing helps to keep me balanced & centered in this crazy place I call life!!

Gail said...

One of your funniest posts (and also very true)TM...love this one. And we all can relate on many levels I think. Please don't leave. pretty please...

And I was one of those SARS people 7 years ago caught in that mess...though I don't mention that anymore with this horrifying wait.


And I don't know what to do with my goofy blog, I've totally jumped the shark, and now it's a family/photography/occasional adoption blog. I do think seriously about stopping it...gosh I've been blogging now for 3 years.

Pickel said...

Oh, so I'm chopped liver?

Aunt LoLo said...


Comments are like crack - there is never enough! ;-)

Debby said...

You are too funny and a bit serious in the good sense. Don't stop blogging. I, too, would miss you.

Melanie said...

And I thought it was just me that wished I could write something intelligent, funny, and thought provoking on my blog. Then, I read what I wrote and find EMBARASSING typos all over the place because I am too lazy to spell check. I also wish I could blog more honestly but who wants to know that my family sometimes can be heard from down the street as my children have screaming matches over a bopping balloons or that my laundry is far far and behind with no end in site. So yeah, I am that bloggy crazy person.


Robin said...

Please don't stop blogging. I love your blog- the funny, the serious, the thinking, all of it. There would be a big, giant whole in my blog reader if you ever stopped. And that wouldn't be good.

Shirlee McCoy said...

I have to tell you, I laughed so hard when I read #??? : "Watch those friends who remain morph into photography bloggers. Since you know nothing about photography WHATSOEVER, continue to lurk on their blogs, but rarely comment. Because how many times can one person type out "love this photo!" even when you DO love the photos, but you know! absolutely! nothing! about any of the technical aspects?"

90% of my online adoption buddies are photographers. Me? I stink at it. I keep looking at my blog list and thinking, "I just don't fit with these people. They're so talented, and I'm so inept."

Seriously, I'm beginning to get a complex.

I'd avoided the THINKING adoption blogs until I came to yours. Now, I read too many (including YOURS) and feel even more inept.

And, yet, I keep blogging away.

Really, I do have a problem.

Thanks for the laugh!

The Gang's Momma! said...

Okay, first, did Miss Shirlee McCoy say that she feels INEPT when she reads "thinking adoption blogs?" FOR REAL?! HUH? I mean, for real?! Oy. That woman is seriously an amazing THINKING blog writer. Really. She should know that she is absolutely in leagues with "the big girls." Really. REALLY.

And I laughed out loud at the "tentatively comment" - I have never tentatively commented. I am not a tentative commenter. In fact, I'm pretty sure the first couple times I commented here, I just jumped right in with both feet. I probably have folks all over the blogosphere wondering who the heck that Momma chick is. . .

That being said, I've pretty purposely avoided a lot of the "THINKING" blog writing up till now. Mostly cuz I'm so scared of the controversy or the conflict. Cuz, really? I could stir it up. I've actually got some posts swirling in my head that would stir it up. But.

I am not tentative. But I'm also a big fat chicken.

Bawk, Bawk.

Said in a most untentative manner.

The Gang's Momma! said...

@ Aus - and Dr. Laura, with her own call-in show and book deals and public speaking and spouting off isn't a psychopathic self-indulgent narcissistic ego maniac?

Yeah. Methinks the good doctor doth protest too much :) :)

Carla said...

Thanks so much for the laugh...seriously...and TM you could so do the photography thing. ;) Trust me...

and no, you are NOT crazy. Because if you are, then I totally am I refuse to admit that.

I'm the inept one though, and sadly, I will likely not stop writing just because I travel. But it is true that so many do stop blogging after travel, and going private? I would always wonder what new friend I could have met...but I love having the ability to keep a FEW posts private with wordpress. LOL

redmaryjanes said...

Oh my word! That's me totally!

Rachel@just another day in paradise said...

my first thought when I read the title? She's quitting. She's never going to blog again. . .what will I do? You're the first blog I read, so don't leave me (in the general, non-stalking sense, of course!). I promise to comment on each and every post if you promise to at least give us occasional snippets. Deal?

(And you are very funny and very smart and very gifted and I do truly enjoy reading what you write. . .but then again, I did destroy this comment grammatically, so maybe my opinion should be taken lightly.) : )

Sandra & Steve said...

Very funny and so true! I just found your blog within the last month, not sure I've ever posted a comment but I check in daily. My blog is private because its a baby book and a means to keep in touch with my VN travel group families. We truly bonded. I am no photographer, not bold enough to do "Thinking" posts or go public! But you have so much to say. We're starting our second IA for a 7 yr old waiting child, your post on "Love & Adoption" was just amazing and your insights and links are thought provoking and helpful. Seems the concensus is that we do need you, don't let it go to your head. ;0)

Mei Ling said...

I read almost everything you write. I just don't frequently comment. ;)

Sharie said...

I am so not on this timeline (thank goodness as I do not wait well!) I started blogging CLEAR back in 2005 when hardly anyone knew what a blog was. I started just before we traveled - I actually went back an added a few posts to put the timeline together - I still don't know when I actually put myself on the waiting list for singles...I think I was 28 or 29.

I was only going to blog our trip...well I stopped blogging when we got back and got backlash from Aunts and Uncles not in town - and one a few blocks away (yes TT I mean you!)

Our blog is our scrapbook - the happenings of our life...we don't get many comments, but it's really just for us. Sometimes I'll participate in a blog event because it is fun to see new faces pop over - but I gave up on the idea of ever having a blog as popular as yours - or the Rumor Queen (who I didn't know exhisted until after I returned from China) long ago. My wait was spent in the Yahoo groups - yes...yes it was. I so wish I would have spent that time reading something useful rather than gossip, but live and learn!

Some day I know Amelia will start reading and realize that I am seriously nuts - at that point I may have to blog just for me. Until then I blog for our family, our friends and anyone else who might happen to stop by and say Hi.

Laurie said...

HYSTERICAL!! And oh so true! I wonder when blogging will become one of those things we USED to do. Any guesses?

Myrnie said...

Aww...see how many friends you have??

A confess, though....I LOVE comments, too. :)

Kris said...

This is so funny! And true! I love the part where everyone goes private or leaves when their child comes home b/c of privacy reasons! So true and I changed all my kids names b/c I did have a whackjob leaving hate messages.

Also, I too remember the SARS problem. That's how we decided on Russia.

Eastiopians said...

LOL!!! That made me laugh b/c it is sooooo true. My comments are going down down down, but I refuse to quit blogging. I have been home 5.3 months exactly, and I am NOT quitting! :)


AwesomeCloud and family said...

Mine's life cycle would contain much of that, plus a few lines about ranting how my OTHER blog is so much better, and the people over there are much better commenters, and why can't Blogger be as good as the other blog site, and... ooh, Blogger has photo hosting! Rinse and repeat.

Michal said...

Hey how did you get into my head? Weird!

(I HATE it when people go all private after they get home. One of my pet peeves really. I am only just starting to comment on other blogs - that doesn't mean I haven't been reading for weeks, months, years.)

Wendy said...

I love this post! It's oh, so true! It always irked me when people would drop their blogs when they got home with their child. I felt like they were 'breaking up with me.' How crazy is that? I wanted to watch their children grow and enjoyed conversations with them and then poof, they were gone. Makes me sad.

I love blogging but have been down about it since I got hacked into last year and then went through another computer issue this year. Ii feel like I lost my mojo a bit. Of course status updates on FB makes me lazy too. LOL

Keep it up! I love your blog even though I don't comment very much...again, too lazy most days. :oP

Red Sand said...

I'm not sure if I should be scared or reassured that I can relate to a large majority of those life cycle stages. I do know that it feels good to be able to say "it's not just me!"

Gail said...

Wanted to come back to add that I read almost all your posts in Google Reader, just don't always comment...

don't leave.

cw said...

Too true and very funny.

I LOVE comments and really love watching the dots increase on my map BUT the best thing of all is when someone becomes a follower.

I want to have a thinking blog (and for one day or two I did- I was so proud to be a Sunday link) but mostly I am too tired to think

Love your blog

Anne said...

Duh... already crazy? check.


Chandra said...

I love your blog! And if you are crazy, I like this kind of crazy!

I don't blog because I have teens and if they thought I was ever saying anything about them, the conversations would stop. And I'm no photographer. So, I just read and enjoy watching...sometimes commenting. I wish I had had these connections 14 years ago.

Just wondering why bloggers don't post some of the 'hate e-mail' and let the readers reply? really would like to know, not just sayin'.

I thought it was just me that was seeing people disappear...or become photographers. Makes sense now.

Anyway, I like your combination of funny & thinking. Thanks for the blog!

Wanda said...

Ha,ha,ha...ouch, sniff, sob, ha,ha,ha. What was that you said about us being pycho?

You better not be going anywhere. I come here to read. Read, do you hear me?


cindy psbm said...

I think you are amazing. Much of what you write makes me think like crazy!!

I used to blog, but the few entries that we're possibly a little bit 'thinking' ones were completely miscontextualized by some very important people IRL and it really upset me so I took everything down. I don't plan on ever starting again.
Not a loss to anyone anyways...
but YOU would be, to me, if I couldn't read you again and again and follow your awesome links.
You are important to my mental health.

Annie said...

Funny!! Oh and I consider YOU one of my thinking blogs and yep, you totally intimidate me and make me feel so inadequate!!! Hehe!!

Cheri said...

I love your list! Made me lol. I wanted to let you know that I am not going "private" but I am moving my whole blog to another link and making a few changes. I will make Loving Lia private for family though. I couldn't stand not educating people about my children's special needs. I just need things to slow down here then I can get the change completed.

Rhonda said...

Awww you got hate mail? I've never gotten hate mail. Where's MY hate mail?! ;)

Lisa (Briana's Mom) said...

I'm still here. I'm still laughing. And I'm not going anywhere. :D

Jenna said...

Well, who knows if I have commented before, but I enjoy reading. It has been a long time since i laughed. out. loud. at a blog, and this did the trick! HYSTERICAL, and oh, so true!

But, I get like 6 comments on a good post, so I live it on a (much) smaller scale! ;)

Mahmee said...

Ha ha ha ha ha ha....cough, cough, choke. OK, maybe some of that was relatable. OK, OK...maybe all of it.
Psycho is the new nutso. Let's embrace it.

3 Peanuts said...

You are so valued, I value you and your blog. I don't always comment (usually) because a peanut interrupts and I step away from the computer and when I return I forgot what I was going to say. I know that probably sounds like a rare occurrence but it is actually the norm. Hate e-mails...now those can get a gal down. I am spitting mad that happens to you.

Just be YOU ad just keep blogging because we we all love You!

I laughed out loud at the "watch friends morph into photography bloggers" I have seen a lot of that. Don't consider myself one of those though. I like photography but I don't really blog about it and I am not that good at it.

And you ARE very funny.. Love the Molly and bunny story:)

Half Gaelic, Half Garlic! said...

I remember when you linked Sue's post the first time and I thought it was so freakin funny...... I do love and AGREE with a lot of what was in the new and improved list....... I think we have all been there from time to time. As you know I have wondered if it was time to jump off the bloggy merry go round....... but for some reason I just can't make the jump.....I hope that you don't either!! We all look forward to your funny and your serious posts.....keep em coming:)



CC said...

this is EXACTLY my cycle when it came to my adoption forum addiction that lasted about 5 years. And I still sometimes pop in and check on all my forum friends. :)

Alyson and Ford said...

Ditto, ditto, ditto....Oh my gosh... Can't believe I started crying reading this... must be therapy! I'll also send you a check in the mail (oh, no, Paypal).
You are so humorous, thoughtful and wise. Yes, make your blog into a book. We have been through most of your list AND we are still blogging after 20 months home with AA. And yes, we clutter it up with her photos and not much substance anymore. So we read your blog. Makes us feel great! Thanks for the memories!

Alyzabeth's Mommy