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Thursday, March 25, 2010

Forty-Seven Acts

Thanks y'all so, so much for your encouragement and commiseration yesterday. It helped me a ton. And you know what else helped a ton? Attending the Tongginator's elementary school talent show yesterday. Kindergarten through fifth grade. Two hours long. Forty-seven acts.

FORTY! SEVEN! ACTS!

Oh my lands, y'all, I don't know if I want another child if it means six extra years of this. I mean - at this point - the Tongginator will be in middle school by the time her younger sister hits kindergarten. Which means I'll be attending 12 years of elementary school talent shows. Twelve years, y'all.

Now I'm not knocking these adorable children... they deserve a standing ovation for their efforts. They are a talented and effervescent group of five through 11-year-olds. They seriously are.

But 47 acts, y'all.

I ended up taking some notes. And I ran a tally sheet. (I seriously did. I even asked the teacher sitting next to me if I could borrow her pen.) All in all, I counted three future high school theater geeks, one hopefully-not-gonna-become-a-pole-dancer-when-she's-older girl, one future church soloist, three wannabe Chris Angels and a future American Idol contestant. And yes... she seriously will be on American Idol in about ten years. Oh my lands was she talented, y'all. I was speechless.

(And y'all KNOW that doesn't happen often.)

The highlights? Included one little guy breaking a board using a taekwondo kick; two adorable first grade boys, clad in jeans, white dress shirts and ties, singing a song that included the words Bow Chicka Wow Wow in the chorus; one little gal who sang an entire song with a stick of gum in her mouth; a talented drummer who had only been playing for six months; and of course the future American Idol contestant, who belted out Almost There from the new movie The Princess and the Frog.

And my tallies? Well...

FOUR. The number of times the teacher emcee was forced to say "BFF." Yes, y'all... feel sorry for her.
THREE
. Elementary school violin solos. (Dory's daughter Fin was one of them, so be nice, y'all. And that's why I'm not saying much. Although Fin played beautifully. Of course.)
ONE. Comedian act filled with knock-knock jokes.
EIGHT. The number of facing-the-audience-butt-wiggles. This total, of course, does not include the choreographed moves of the hopefully-not-gonna-become-a-pole-dancer-when-she's-older girl. Because the butt wiggles? Were classy in comparison.
FIVE. John Travolta disco moves that appeared on stage.
THREE. A trio of acts included the song Naturally by Selena Gomez.
SEVEN. Miley Cyrus songs. Which was just oh-so-pleasant after being forced to also watch her during American Idol last night.

I noticed a few other things during the two! hours! I sat watching 47! acts. Elementary-school children will use any excuse to wear their pajamas to school. I stopped counting after seeing four acts of pajama-clad children. Those who didn't wish to wear pajamas gravitated towards last year's Halloween costumes. You know, like wearing a ladybug outfit while singing That is No Way to Treat a Ladybug... or wearing dog costumes while dancing to the oh-so-lovely tune Who Let The Dogs Out... or wearing fuzzy, FUZZY chipmunk tales while dancing and singing to All The Single Ladies from Alvin and the Chipmunks 2: The Squeakquel.

Oh yes, y'all... they seriously did.

After about ninety minutes, a thought popped into my head - the only thing that could possibly make this better is if someone does the Thriller dance. You know, from the Michael Jackson video and that adorable movie 13 Going On 30. I thought it would be the icing on the cake. But - alas! - after the last act concluded, I resigned myself to icing-less cake.

But then...

A dozen teachers and the principal performed a surprise final act... a modified version of The Evolution of Dance. Yes, y'all, they seriously did. My icing arrived. Thriller appeared. And I could totally leave happy.

Even though it was two! hours! long!

With 47 acts.

31 comments:

Lin said...

You've left me curious as to what the Tongginator's part in the talent show was...

Sharie said...

How the heck did they get 47 acts done in 2 hours? Call me impressed.
I like how you entertained yourself:)
Has Miss T gotten over her dream of staring in the next talent show?

Kim K. said...

We just went through this a few weeks back. Picture keeping a 3 year old entertained for 3 hours of elementary talent show skits. We have an 8 year age difference so we'll be right there with you enjoying many many many many more years of elementary talent shows. Yippee!! PS. I only dug out my cell phone a few times to surf the web and check email during those three hours. Shhhhhhh....our secret!!

Tonggu Grammy said...

OK, so you sound better than you did when you called immediately after said "talent" show. And Sharie, I think that taking notes for the blog was the ONLY way that she was able to survive. 3 ELEMENTARY SCHOOL VIOLIN SOLOS!!!! Need I say more?

autumnesf said...

Hah! Wait til high school. It's gets longer. But really the talent is better.

Oh - and elementary school? I've been doing it since 1994. 6 years between my first two...and 10 between the second two. And any elementary assembly of any kind is PURE TORTURE. Especially when one of your kids IS the American Idol star...and you don't even know it until you listen to the others. LOL!

jen@odbt said...

Oy vey! I think the 7 Miley songs would have put me over the edge.

LucisMomma said...

Homeschooling. That's all I'm gonna say--because our little school would have three acts, max. :)

Dawn said...

I hate to break it to you, but middle school talent shows are not any better and not any shorter. High school.. there's some hope there. For one, you don't have to attend unless your child is participating! LOL

Annie said...

Yikes!!!! What did the Tongginator do? I bet the teachers' take on the History of Dance was histerical!!!!

Logical Libby said...

Please tell me there was an open bar. Or even a cash bar.

Janet said...

Oooooh boy. TWO HOURS? That is just cruel and unusual punishment. Even if they were cute.

I have to say this...I HATE it when little kids dance like hoochie mommas. Well, I hate it when anyone dances like a hoochie momma. But little girls? Who look like hookers? No thanks.

Debra said...

You totally crack me up! I love your writing. Your ability to take everyday life and make it so incredibly interesting is a gift. Thank you.
Our elementary talent show is coming up...it's a Catholic school...lots of knock knock jokes and religious songs to look forward to - yikes!

Patty O. said...

Whew! That would have been enough to make me want a drink. And I don't drink. I so do not envy you and now think my day spent decluttering my kitchen was downright heavenly!

planetnomad said...

Yet another reason to raise one's children in Africa!

Rachel@just another day in paradise said...

tell us the truth. was your ipod touch in your pocket the whole time? were you listening to your own soundtrack? come on, we won't tell! : ) and I think your school's on the right track if you only had one future pole dancer. . .

MK said...

Glad you still have your humor after sitting through 2 hours of an elementary school "talent" show. Our kid's talent show is coming up in three weeks. I am actually so looking forward to it. Last year it was quite an ordeal for parents to sit there for 2 hours and politely clap our hands from time to time. Then the last show came on. It was an Asian American kid, a 4th grader I believe, who played a piece of classical music on the piano. She was so accomplished and won lots of wows and ahs from parents. Wish we had recorded it. It was something like one of these YouTube videos. How could some kids get so much talent at such a young age?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=53qaBOIv_Pk

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZR2KkA1JlFs

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pt_PYw0R_i8

Aunt LoLo said...

Bwahahahahah...oh dear. I do not envy you one! bit!

Although seeing the Evolution dance might have made up for it...

Did I miss it? What did Miss T do??

Wanda said...

It's all a part of the package, isn't it. Although 27 acts does seem a tad excessive. Did they provide refreshments and a potty break at least?
:)

Anne said...

One of the best reasons we moved G to small Catholic school. Concerts are short, and take place in the gym and not in a huge, cramped auditorium.

Like pp, I'm also impressed they crammed 47 acts into 2 hrs.

MD Me said...

I wasn't jealous until you talked about the kiddos singing Phineas&Ferb's Gitchie Gitchie Goo (the one with Bow Chica Wow Wow).

Now that is one I'd want to see. :)

prechrswife said...

Oh, wow...47??? I thought the district 4-H talent show back when I was teaching was excruciating. Back then, it was Britney Spears songs instead of Miley Cyrus.

M3 said...

47?!!!! Really? 47? Oh. My. Word.

The Gang's Momma! said...

Ugh. Miley. She makes my skin crawl.

And FORTY SEVEN ACTS?! Did they pass out "No Doz" or Diet cokes with the programs? Cuz I don't known how anyone could get through that in one sitting. I'd be freaking out.

You are such a good school mommy.

Myrnie said...

You should have borrowed that baby again- they're amazingly handy things to have around when you want to get home on time. "What? Oh, I'm sorry- The baby needs to go to bed. See you tomorrow!"

OneThankfulMom said...

So funny! Thanks for giving me a good chuckle today!

Lisa

Mei Ling said...

"one hopefully-not-gonna-become-a-pole-dancer-when-she's-older girl"

... oh dear.

Kristin said...

My youngest starts kindergarten next year. Her oldest sibling is now in college. By the time she finishes elementary school I would have been an elementary parent for nineteen years. That is scary!

Glad you survived the talent show. =)

Elaine said...

Okay, you totally just made up for all the bad news I've been reading on the internet this morning. Lemonade can be made from almost any lemons, it seems.

Colin and Jill Canada said...

Sounds like a fun way to kill some time! :)

The Hickels said...

After attending our children's school talent show last year, I renamed it the "talent-LESS" show--just around our house, of course, so as not to offend the parents of those "talented" children. Our best act last year was the 3rd grader who played the recorder with his nose and then played two recorders with his nose simultaneously.

Alece said...

no matter how cute the kids are, that sounds just downright painful...