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Wednesday, December 9, 2009

The Abyss of Agony

I am so behind in my blog reading and emails, I feel slightly embarrassed, yet I don't think I can remedy the situation anytime soon because I'm fighting off crossed-eyes and hand cramping. Why, you might ask? Well, it' not because of the dreaded Christmas letter. (I think at this point I might actually welcome the pain that is the holiday card.) Nope, it's all Ms. Confetti's fault.

You see, Ms. Confetti has me sorting an art tub. Sounds fairly safe, doesn't it? Innocuous? Not too difficult? Well, it's mindless, all right. Mind numbingly horrific! That art tub is two feet squared directly from the depths of hell. Everything got dumped in there. And by everything, I mean:

foam shapes,
foam shapes with sticker backing,
foam letters and numbers,
miniature pom pom balls,
googly eyes,
feathers,
seasonal stickers for fall,
seasonal stickers for winter,
seasonal stickers for spring,
trash,
miniature Popsicle sticks
and my favorite thing of all... card confetti, with a dash of glitter.

Do you feel sorry for me yet? No? Well, you should. On Monday, another parent volunteer said to me, "when it gets THAT bad, I usually just pitch it and start over." Yeah... well... I'm tempted, but do you realize just how much money one can blow on a good pair of googly eyes? I can't bring myself to dump it. Plus, I don't want my daughter's teacher to hate me.

So. I. Sort.

Yesterday afternoon I had the choice of continuing to sort through the Abyss Of Agony or attending the elementary school band Christmas concert. I, of course, being of sound mind and body, chose the art tub... but I later REGRETTED MY CHOICE! Yes, y'all, the Pit Of Purgatory is worse than an elementary school band concert. Who knew?

Which got me thinking... what else can y'all think of that is worse than an elementary school band concert? Just flashback to the third graders with trumpets, the overzealous fifth graders in percussion, the... I could go on and on. So what ELSE is worse than THAT?

18 comments:

autumnesf said...

LOL!

This really struck a cord with me.

When Songbird was little we stumbled upon the Nebraska Childrens Choir. The practices were a long drive and I was captured (with a newly adopted baby part of that time who only wanted to be at home). Songbird was also homeschooled part of this time. When we returned to the public school and the "concerts" it was very very painful. And what's funny about that is we had NO IDEA just how amazing SB voice was or the training she was receiving was.

Now, its AWFUL to go to any of the performances and its up to High School. This weekend is her Christmas concert at the school and we aren't expecting much.

Stefanie said...

I am sitting here, hand clasped across my face, aghast at even the idea of having to sort such a nightmarish tub of various and sundry supplies.

Aghast.

And just thinking that an elementary band concert is less painful? Man... writing a Christmas letter would be a balm for the soul, my friend.

The only thing I can think of that was more painful was the flight from China to the US with Isabelle. Screaming child, strangers in my grill, body odor galore, sweaty palms, claustrophobia, utter exhaustion, pretty much wanting to just die and get it all over with.

Thankfully, we manage to get through these times and we're a MUCH more grateful person for it :)

Here's hoping your sorting is done with some Christmas carols on, a cup of coffee in hand and good friend sitting beside you to help!

happygeek said...

Teaching said elementary band.
Colicky infants.
Rap.

Aus said...

OK - dance recitals - 3+ hours of kids for 4 minutes of yours!

You and Marie must be cut from the same bolt of cloth....last night it was "sort the sight words" bin. These words are printed on 4X7 inch cards with a little number in the corner - sort them by the little number....several hundred of them! And great guy that I am - I offered to help.....silly me!

hugs - aus and co.

Wanda said...

Ummm....having a tooth pulled WITHOUT a needle?

Football & Fried Rice said...

Fork in the eye.

Intentionally.

Patricia/NYC said...

LOL! Sounds like my middle school art room on a daily basis!! I spent every.single.afternoon. cleaning up like that...arrrrggghhhhh!

Sharon said...

Slave master! You are such a nice person, I tell you!! So good to hear from you. I am the terrible about getting over to visit person. Rooster invasion! bababahahhaha. I love coming over here!

Patty O. said...

Well, I would say a root canal is worse, but only because I have a very severe, deep-seated fear of the dentist and drills. I think it is partly a sensory thing (I have auditory issues) but it also has to do with having had cavities filled as a child with no novocaine (sp?). Not sure what they were thinking.

Anyway, I sure admire your determination and perseverance. I am like you: I wouldn't want the teacher to hate me.

Happy sorting!

Carla said...

What's worse?

Being the beginning band director (although they tend to love that sort of thing so perhaps it's not worse)

The flight home from China...

Picking up glitter from said cards off of all surfaces because the vacuum won't get it up

root canals? while pregnant and in the throes of morning sickness when you already have a gag reflex due to things being held in your mouth...and then because the dentist/endodontist is so terrified of the fact you are pregnant that they put ALL the lead aprons on your stomach that they have on hand...

oh...umm...even THAT might not reach the levels of agony that sorting such an art box would reach. ;)

Carla said...

What's worse?

Being the beginning band director (although they tend to love that sort of thing so perhaps it's not worse)

The flight home from China...

Picking up glitter from said cards off of all surfaces because the vacuum won't get it up

root canals? while pregnant and in the throes of morning sickness when you already have a gag reflex due to things being held in your mouth...and then because the dentist/endodontist is so terrified of the fact you are pregnant that they put ALL the lead aprons on your stomach that they have on hand...

oh...umm...even THAT might not reach the levels of agony that sorting such an art box would reach. ;)

Janet said...

You'd think with a cutesy name like Ms. Confetti that she would have given you a NICE job, like picking daisies in field of rainbows or something. That job sounds like it sucks.

Dawn said...

Worse?

Competitive cheer competitions during the month of December. (Who in their right mind scheduled this???)

Trying to explain something to my 16 YO son who knows more than me. (Right.)

Rude people.

You, my dear blog friend, are such a better person/mommy than me - I'd pull out and sort the "big pieces" then dump the rest and call it done.

Blessings!

Sharie said...

Hauling WET soggy boxes out of my mom's basement after her sump pump failed! It wasn't a few boxes either...it was an ENTIRE pick-up load - and we FLATTENED them all. These were EMPTY boxes!
My 46 year-old brother was excited to find the box to his first BB Gun:o

Aunt LoLo said...

Ummmm.....how about watching toddlers and newborns that are teething/tired/hopped up on eggnog and candy canes?

I'm wager the sound could rival that of a band concert...and the band members tend not to CLING TO YOUR KNEES AND SCREAM the way a toddler can. ;-)

Kiy said...

MIL moving in. We *only* had mine for three weeks. And she loves me. But geesh, it was a long three weeks.

Good luck, I'm with one of the other commenters - grab the large, toss the small. Maybe then Mrs. C will be more careful what she tosses in the big ole bucket!

Cavatica said...

Oh, how I dread the elementary school years. Sorting? I don't sort. Nor do I volunteer for hell. Greatness is thrust upon me.

CC said...

I know what is worse!!! Having a speech group (or 3) 20 feet away from the elementary school band practice. 3. Times. Per. Week.

At least the concert is the "finished product"!!! lol!