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Monday, October 5, 2009

I Saw Mommy...

Yesterday afternoon, as the Tongginator and I drove to a church picnic, we almost lost our lives. Okay... so... we probably didn't really almost lose our lives. Maybe we just narrowly avoided severe maiming. Or maybe the car just avoided a dent or two.

Whatever. It FELT like we almost lost our lives. Maybe even our souls.

As we drove in the right lane past an exit on the highway, a late model Ford swerved from the exit lane into OUR lane just as the exit curved off. I swerved our car, sat on the horn and narrowly avoided an accident. The late model Ford drove along the shoulder for awhile, side by side with our car and spraying gravel all the while, before slowly easing to a stop.

And while I shakily gripped the wheel, trying to avoid causing another accident as a result of my Total And Complete Freak Out, the Tongginator gasped, then yelled out, "MOM, you almost hurt him!!!!" I, of course, being the nearly deceased maimed injured innocent, took Extreme Exception to the Tongginator's comment.

I took exception, that is, until I watched from the rear-view mirror as an old gentleman climbed out of his late model Ford to stand on the side of the road. Round belly, full white beard, white shirt and dark suspenders. And then it came...

"Mom! You almost hurt SANTA!!!!"

Yes, y'all... I seriously almost did. Thank goodness we avoided a collision because I cannot imagine the wrath I would face if the children of the world knew that I - Tonggu Momma - caused Santa's early demise. Oh, the guilt. It wouldn't even matter that I wasn't the one at fault. He's old with poor eyesight (I mean, why else does he need Rudolph?). He's preoccupied with the upcoming Christmas season (only 81 more days til the big night). He's super busy being all philanthropic and stuff (while I'm just heading somewhere to stuff my face). He's... he's... he's SANTA for goodness sake. Although what he was doing driving a late model Ford, I shall never know.

It wasn't even red.

Oh goodness, I hope Santa doesn't remember this when it comes time to take our holiday photos at the local mall. Because, y'all, we are guaranteed to see him there. (I'm not kidding. I have three years of Christmas photos to prove it.)

And I truly hope the Tongginator does NOT remember the time she saw Mommy (almost) kissing killing Santa Claus. Although something tells me I'm safe because when I asked the Tongginator to tell her Daddy all about our drive to the church picnic, she looked at me blankly, then proceeded to tell her Daddy about how Pastor LSU Freak gave her a deep fried Oreo cookie even though her momma didn't want her to have one.

God is good.

And praise Him for deep fried Oreos.

Amen.

45 comments:

Andrea said...

So glad you all are safe!

Buckeroomama said...

Oh, the guilt if you actually do any harm to Santa! You will never live it down.

Glad you two are okay. :)

planetnomad said...

I had another comment ready to go but I need to pause and camp on something else.
Deep fried...OREO? Cookie? Wha?? Surely not. I think I am going to puke. This must be something else, right? Is Oreo a kind of green?

Yesterday we didn't almost lose our lives and/or car (although that is a daily occurance in Morocco), but we did need to make a left hand turn and the line of cars behind us acted like we were the biggest jerks in the world, honking and gesturing and passing on the right shoulder. It's a whole new world.

Michelle said...

I'm so glad you are both safe!! Yes, you would have never heard the end of it if Santa would have had as much as a scrape. Glad you are all ok!!

Aunt LoLo said...

Oh, Mama - the SHAME if any harm had come to St. Nick. Miss T would NEVER let you live it down. She'd be 35 years old, accepting her first Nobel Award. In her acceptance speech, she would say, "I'd like to thank Santa for still believing in me. For believing I was a good person, even though my mother almost Hurt Him on the freeway."

Heh. Glad all is well and safe, Mama!

Sherri said...

She may not remember it; Santa may not recognize you; but I'd love to be there when you go visit him this year! I'd love to see how YOU act!

I'm glad you're okay. Santa, too.

Elizabeth said...

Hilarious, that's all there is to it! Odd that our church is also led by a Pastor LSU freak. Although sometimes we have cokes and popcorn at church, alas, no fried oreos!!! Don't think I'm not writing it in as a suggestion on my connection card, though!!!

happygeek said...

Santa (almost) got run over by a momma.
Coming home from his church Sunday Eve,
You may say there is no such thing as Santa
But as for me and Miss T, we believe.

Mom to 5...Daughter of the King said...

Wow! You were almost the reason for the demise of Santa!! Amazing!!! Glad all are okay!

autumnesf said...

Wonderful nobody was hurt...

but seriously!!! I am laughing so hard! How dare you try to run over santa!!!

Wade's World said...

If you had run over Santa I think children everyone would hunt you down!

And deep fried Oreos...never tried it, but what's not to love!

AChineseDad said...

For Santa's and others' safety on the road, I would have called the cop. You know, Santa is only good at flying reindeer. There aren't too many driveable roads at the North Pole. Glad you and T-Angel were safe. That's the exact reason why people should consider driving full-size SUV to protect themselves from dangerous drivers like Santa.

Gail said...

Wow! Can't imagine what would have happened if Santa got hurt...this post cracked me up TM!!! Happy you are all okay...those 'near miss' incidents are awful and can get your heart rate going sky high!

I can't get past the thought of a deep fried Oreo...yuck. Not appealing at all to me. In our culture I guess if it's food it can be fried...blech.

Sharie said...

So glad you're OK and Santa will still be around to deliver Christmas cheer. It almost sounds as if he was enjoying some cheer of his own yesterday if you know what I mean...

Laura L. said...

So glad you are both safe and Santa is too. Great story. I always love the way you can tell a good story. :)

Aus said...

TM - so glad that you and TN snuck by on that one! Maybe a little had of God involved here - or were you really trained in defensive driving? (We'd be a WHOLE lot safer if every driver in the country took the FLETC offensive driving class!)

Did I say that when it comes to posting YOU ARE A SERIOUS CLASS ACT??? Ya'll just make me laugh! :)

Oh - and happygeek - ya'll have a tad too much time on your hands - but I'm still laughing!

hugs ya'll -

aus and co.

epin said...

Glad that you're safe and that you didn't kill Santa. Christmas would have been brutal this year if the outcome was different. :-)

Carla said...

ah...yes...sugar induced amnesia is a good thing sometimes.

Glad everyone is okay..and what a close call!

Jboo said...

Oh my -- good think you avoided that Santa collision!

Hope you have a great week!

Janet

redmaryjanes said...

I am busting up! I can't believe it...only you girl :)

Rachel@just another day in paradise said...

lsu fan. seriously? perhaps it's time to reconsider churches. wait. what was this post about? oh yeah. don't hurt santa. that's what an lsu fan would have done. : )

go hogs go

(sincere apologies to your lsu freak pastor if he reads your blog, and glad you're ok!)

Lisa said...

Tis the season to be thankful for broad shouldered roads and "almost accidents" where no one is hurt! Ack.....

Me thinks maybe Santa has been teasing too many rum sugar cookies outta the Mrs. ;)

Seriously...so glad all is well and no one was hurt!! So scary!

jen@odbt said...

Phew - thank goodness you're ok. Only a child would be more concerned about Santa than his/her own parent.

Myrnie said...

Glad everything turned out OK! (And it's not everyday you see Santa on the highway...)

Suzy said...

My pastor is an LSU FREAK, too. It's had a serious effect on my prayer life. I've rarely prayed so hard for my spiritual leader to (be) convert(ed).
And I'm not sure how to get the mental picture of Santa as the Tongginatormobile's hood ornament out of my mind...

Suzy said...

Oh, and I heard they were having the following fried items available for the Texas State Fair: fried Oreos (yes, the cookie), Snickers bars, Twinkies, and wait for it: BUTTER. It boggles the mind, doesn't it?

Wanda said...

On behalf of all the children (grown-up variety included)of the world - thank you for not ending the magic!

Funny story. Not so funny while you were in the midst of it though. Glad you all escaped your early demise.

Alece said...

phew! glad you're okay.

and deep fried oreos?! seriously?! you're not even technically in the south! (i'm so in awe of how they fry everything down here!)

Half Gaelic, Half Garlic! said...

So glad that you all are okay.......and Santa too:)

I hope he trades in his Ford for a Red Sleigh soon.....Chrismtas is just around the corner.

Deep Fried Oreos??? I can't say that is high on the list of foods I would like to try....

Lisa

Kristi said...

Amazing how an Oreo cookie can make all right with the world, isn't it?
Glad you and your sweetie were safe!

Kayce said...

So glad you guys are all okay...santa included!
Deep Fried Oreos??? Really?? YUM!

Deb said...

So glad to hear that you guys are ok.....but oh my,....this is going to be a great story for many years to come!! :):)

Janet said...

I'm glad you're okay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mahmee said...

Ha ha ha! YOU. ALMOST. KILLED. CHRISTMAS. Good grief! Ho boy. So glad you guys are OK. Do you think the TG will make you apoligize at the mall this December?
M.

P.S...deep fried oreos...Wha? That sounds like a heart attack waiting to happen. Never heard of those.

Annie said...

First of all, I am so, so glad that you all are ok!!! Secondly, that is too funny about almost causing Santa's demise!!! TM, you sure do know how to put a funny spin on things!! Thirdly, what the heck is a deep fried Oreo??? I am from the South and I have eaten fried just about anything but have NEVER heard of a fried Oreo!!!

Cheri said...

I am so thankful you both are OK because were would I go to get a really great laugh?

No seriously, I am really glad no one was hurt.

Marla said...

What a cute story, I'm glad everyone is ok.

Donna said...

I laughed so hard that I actually coughed when I read the "Santa" comment.

Oh gosh.... yep, that's funny (still laughing as I think about it). Hee hee... are you sure you're not making this stuff up?

;)

Donna
Our blog: Double Happiness!

Donna said...

And THANK GOD you're all okay!

Jean said...

I started reading- I was all worried and then burst out laughing! The kids are saying "what is it mommy, what are you laughing at?"

I can't believe his car was not red!

I am reading your posts out of order!! This was a day brightener- sorry it was at your expense!!

Kiy said...

You had me at: Although what he was doing driving a late model Ford, I shall never know.

I laughed and laughed. In fact, I still may be laughing. Glad he's okay. Really glad you and Miss T are too!

Oh, and deep fried Oreos. Oh my.

Cheers, Kiy

Patty O. said...

You are HYSTERICAL. But I am really glad no one was hurt. Especially Santa. I was looking forward to getting some new loot this year. Just kidding!

Colin and Jill Canada said...

I almost died laughing!
...but alas, I am not Santa, so all is well!

Jill xx

Cindy said...

Oh! gracious thank goodness you both are safe!
YOU are so funny!
I died laughing at the Santa!
I Do believe he is still alive and well!

Hope you are feeling better soon! all of you!

Now really onward to school! Ugghh!!! If I could only get an excuse! hee hee!!

You have a very cute blog!
Cindy

prechrswife said...

Priceless!