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Monday, September 28, 2009

Spooky Searchers

So... sometimes I check my stats. I used to check them a bit more often, but the Google Searches? They creep me out. I can't tell you the number of times people stumble onto Our Little Tongginator after typing "Wendy Calio naked" into some form of search engine. Fortunately, they don't stay long. And, for the record, those perverts end up on this rather mundane post of mine. I actually feel quite a bit of pride, since they were searching for *ahem* one thing, but end up getting a glimpse of my scary late eighties hair and shorts instead.

Serves em right.

And Wendy? I promise I will NEVER post naked photos of you here.

Other eyebrow-raising Google searches include: punishment boots (umm... what? are those? or should I not ask?)... my neighbor wants me to smell her feet (my dear, perhaps it's time to move)...and how to humiliate my husband (sweetie, if you even want to do this, you probably already do).

A few just plain make me grin, including: what is Stefanie of Ni Hao Y'all's last name? (if I told you, then I'd have to kill you)... Lori Beitzel (planetnomad, she totally Googled herself and is now racking her brain trying to place you because she wants to seek revenge after reading what you shared)... and behavior chart for an odd child (oh my lands, do you think the Tongginator would feel insulted by this?).

But the search I seriously won't ever recover from? The one that makes me feel totally self-conscious and completely explains why people who used to comment here never do anymore? I actually checked it out myself. And y'all? Our Little Tongginator comes up as THE number one Google search for....

wait for it...

I feel guilty when I think of how smart I am compared to everyone else.

Seriously. Type it into Google and look at what pops up. I am hanging my head in shame. I mean, how absolutely humiliating. (So now probably wouldn't be a good time to suggest popping over to Divine Caroline to vote for Our Little Tongginator, huh?)

Oops... did I just say that out loud type that?

I shall distract with an effusive thank you and cute photo of the Tongginator. It seems that M3 and I have a mutual friend. Do you remember those adorable Halloween pants the Salsa twins sported a few weeks ago? Well... look who ELSE has a pair now?

to see the pants more clearly, check out the Salsa post linked above...
because obviously I am NOT the photographer that Mrs. M3 is

Thanks so very much, Dawn. We love them. And they fit PERFECTLY, which is kinda hard to do when a certain little someone has a 19 inch inseam, but only a 20 inch waist. You? Are a miracle worker. And I would totally know that since I am so smart compared with everyone else. Stop laughing. It's totally true. Otherwise I wouldn't be number one on Google. Right?

Hello? Is anyone there?


Buckeroomama said...

TM, you crack me up!

I LOVE those capris! Does she sell them? Where can I get a pair?!

Huh. I should try to see what my stats say. :)

Dawn said...

I love the capris! It's this type of clothing that makes me wish my daughter would still let me pick out her outfits. Alas, 14 year olds just don't like mom to do that! LOL


bbmomof2boys said...

You know what I think? I think that was a shameless plus for us to go vote!! bwhahahaha!!!


btw - cute pants. Little T has the same issue - getting tall but her waist is tiny. Wish I had that issue! :)

Aunt LoLo said...

Umm...those pants? I LOVE. Love them, I tell you.

And now...do I need to go vote for something? 'cause I'm not as smart as you - I need things spelled out.


Tonggu Grammy said...

I can't believe it! And now Our Little Tongginator is in the top 2 spots on that google search. That must mean it's time for everyone to pop over to vote. Come on people!!!!! There are so many of you readers that her vote count should be higher by now. This is her mom speaking.

Elizabeth said...

The number one Google search that leads people to my blog seems to be "wrap a hot towel around your head" because once I titled a post that in a Ferris Bueller reference. They are probably very disappointed to find it is just a post about my son having croup!!

Aus said...

Yeah - we're still here - nice little retro post, and there's nothing wrong with being #2 - nothing at all! (and yeah - you do make us laugh - but mostly at ourselves!)

hugs - aus and co.

American Family said...

Ha! I am #5 on google if you search for "American Boobs" which a lot of people are apparently very eager to see. I bet those searchers are sorely disappointed with my blog as a result. I also get a bazillon hits for "How to kill a yucca plant", but on that one I am providing a very valuable public service.

happygeek said...

Too funny.

I LOVE those pants.

Jboo said...

So funny! And those pants are adorable! So cute!

Hope you all have a good week!


Jillene said...

Punishment boots?! LOL--now that's funny!!

Those pants are ADORABLE!!

planetnomad said...

I LOVE those capris! Too cute! I want a pair for Ilsa, who is prob too big for them now...:(

I used to get the funniest seaches, but now it's mostly "henna" or "shark" or, oddly, "roly poly puppy." I do get a lot of searches about oil paper used during colonial times, which I have never figured out. My number one, though, is "evil fairies." Yes. Athough I just checked and I don't come up on the first page anymore. For a while I did though. And all because I wondered how on earth I got a child who was punctual. ;)

Kim K. said...

Being a complete and utter Halloween freak, those pants are adorable.

Gotta love how google indexes.

Have a super week!

Holly said...

I don't even WANT to know how people might find my blog.
I like to live in a state of ignornat bliss thankyouverymuch!
Is it politically incorrect to say that people are just downright WEIRD? I mean reading the comments above, who googles American Boobs? WTHeck??!
Weird wild stuff.
And that's all I'm gonna say!

Wanda said...

Yup...I'm here.

(Does that make me weird?)

Funny post. Now I think I'll go over and vote for someone....ummm...oh yeah....you!

M3 said...

That Dawn is one awesome lady, isn't she?!! Love those pants. I check my searches every once in a while and then go back and modify my posts or the comments if they're showing up in creepy searches.

Debbie said...

Now that is funny! Of course, those of us who have been with you for awhile know you are smarter than the rest of us. Seeing it in print is still tough:)

Anne said...


Magi said...

Very cute pants.

And your number 1 Google search. My two most common are looking for a definition for kaffee klatsch or a recipe for peanut butter fudge. In fact, I wish I had a dime for everyone who has come to my site looking for that darn fudge recipe.

Suzie said...

Too funny!!

Love the pants. Loved them on the Salsa Twins and love them on The Tongginator.

Heather of the EO said...

I love looking at google searches. My most frequent and weird one is "why are the insides of my cheeks so fat?"


I thought you seriously were the smartest person in all the world...so now I'm just confused.

Half Gaelic, Half Garlic! said...

LOVE THE PANTS....The Tongginator wears them well!!

You my friend....a riot! Now you have me curious....never searched to see where I popped up....


Donna said...

I also check my search queries and change my text to steer the pervs around my blog. Google has a fantastic (free) service that I use all the time. Google "webmaster tools" and you'll find it.


Our Blog: Double Happiness!

Sarah said...

I look for my blog's search hits as well. Kinda freaky to look at those phrases, isn't it? I get all kinds of Hello Kitty hits daily because we went to the Hello Kitty cafe when we were in Taipei... and Hello Kitty lovers around the world must dream of going there.

Janet said...

Sooo....how do you look up this blog search thingey? You've got me curious as to what mine will look like.....

sara said...

You KNOW I googled this, right??

malinda said...

Apparently it isn't just AMERICAN boobs people are interested in -- I got a hit from a truly creepy search -- "Korean grandma boobs." Now THAT is weird! And I swear, I have NEVER blogged about Korean grandma boobs!

I feel sorry for the people who search for "patron saint of adopted children," because I suspect they're looking to buy a medal, or find a feel-good story for someone they know is adopting. . . and they find a snarky post from me about Saint William, who was MURDERED by his adopted son, "David the Foundling," which makes him, IMHO, not the best choice for patron saint of adopted children! Popping balloons, my specialty!

Carla said...

so I totally did put that in google...LOL

and LOOOOVE those pants.

*scared to check my google searches now....*

Stefanie said...

That is all just stinkin' hilarious stuff!!!!
Off to google now, I'm considering the rest of the afternoon shot, thankyouverymuch :)

Alece said...

oh my dang dang! that is just too funny!

Dita said...

I'm headed over to DC to vote after your shameless plug.

The capris are fantastic. I second all the comments here and on Salsa that she should open an etsy shop on those....they are really cool!

OK..I have no idea what it means to check the google stats.....and how you know where people are coming from. Do share....I'm such a newbie when it comes to the technical side of blogging.

Special K said...

When I finally finished my bedroom redecorating project, I foolishly titled it "My Sexy Bedroom Makeover". And those words obviously conjure up the most frequent searches on my blog.... bet they're surprised when they see my new window treatments, etc. LOL!