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Thursday, August 13, 2009

Coffee Stalker

Earlier this week, the Tongginator and I experienced yet another incident around town. I am one who does not mind being approached by other families that look like ours. I don't even mind being stalked through Target by those waiting to adopt from China, as long as it's done with sensitivity to the Tongginator. But sometimes... sometimes weird people approach us. Or those who spew forth offensive remarks. And it gets really, really old.

Take this past Monday, for example. All I was trying to do was pump some caffeine into my system. Learn what happened when I was Just Trying to Get Coffee over at the group adoption blog Grown In My Heart.


Lisa said...

Oh T Mama,

Wouldn't we all be blessed to have these kinds of unpleasant situations fade from our reality. While it doesn't happen often, it does remind us of the many misconceptions that some folks labor under...not to mention the crass that some people tend to their daily tasks with! Ugh!

I think you handled this with as much grace and respect for your daughter as possible, but still my heart lurches a bit that you even have to advocate while simply trying to get coffee!

Good for the Tongginator, a little lady that knows her own mind! That's going to take her far as is the wonderful example you are providing!

May your next outing be free of obnoxious strangers!! :)
P.S. I love what you did and wrote regarding T's Kindergarten placement. Good job Mama!

monica said...

I always learn so much from you. I'm grateful that you're paving the way for the rest of us. Monica

Magi said...

Good for you and a super ick to that man. That's just creepy.

The Gang's Momma said...

Same man? Same card? What are the chances? What do you think "IT MEANS?!"

Okay. So, take out that business card and give the man a call. I mean, you are old friends by now, right? Remind him of who you are and ask him if he minds a few questions from you. Like, "Does your mother know you talk to strangers like that?!" "Do you make a habit of invading the personal space of just any stranger you come across? Or just the obviously multi-cultural ones?"

Sorry. Just kidding. Snarking rant over.

I do wonder what he is or what he does that prompts him to invade others' space like so. I love your responses and your attitude. But now I am EVER. SO. CURIOUS. about what makes him tick. That particular way.


Beach Mama said...

You and Miss T handled the incident graciously. I have been in similar situations as you described. I'm not sure I have handled many of those encounters with so much grace and poise. I learned some good moves from you today!

Mamatini said...

Grrr. That kind of stuff makes me so mad. The lack of any awareness that these are personal issues, that your child is old enough to resent such intrusions, that it's none of their *&^% business (sorry.)

I think I'm projecting a bit. Your comment about being stalked in Target mirrored my exact experience with Isa when she was (thankfully only) 15 months old. Except this woman was not a fellow A-family. She was just nosy. And rude. And when I finally cut off the questions with the pointed, "Why do you want to know? Are you interested in adoption?" she replied with a snort, "Oh God, no!" and a wave of her hand toward her 5 children, "I've got all I can handle with these!"

Way to handle it, TongguMomma!

Holly said...

so what did his business card say?
"Specializing in ignorance and lack of tact"???

Kiy said...


I find, as Emi gets older, that we are getting more of this. Not a tremendous amount, but more. I wonder, is it going to get worse?

I also feel I've learned so much in the short time we've been a family. And yes, I've had to say "sorry, this conversation is over" and turn away. And all because of what I've learned from TM.

Thanks gal,


Janet said...

Wow. I am sometimes utterly astonished at what people feel quite free to say to me in front of my children. Even when someone says, "You're crazy for having 6 kids!" to me, I feel so offended for all of them. They are PRECIOUS blessings, and it's like saying that they are not worth having. ARG.

PS- I hear you're having nightmares about me coming to live with you...how did you know that I was planning a surprise vacation to your house? LOL!

Wade's World said...

What a creep!

It's hard for me to imagine asking anyone personal questions, especially in front of their child. How tacky and rude!

Dawn said...

Yuck, yuck, yuck... My mama radar was going up even before getting to the end of the stories.

So, what kind of "business" does his card advertise?

Barely withholding all additional comments as they would only be snarky...

(Shoulda just come to my house for coffee! LOL)

Gail said...

Major ick. I find as time goes by and I've had more experience with these weird ones I offer less and less information and walk away. The worst experience I had was about 14 mos. ago in a shoe store with Grace. I got interrogated by a woman(an employee of the store) who wanted to know why I adopted from China and not the U.S....right in front of Grace! She had never adopted BTW...
Thankfully miss Grace interrupted the woman and said loudly, "I have to pee mom!" We left right then and I called the store on the phone and complained to the manager. I've got really good mom radar now and can tell pretty quickly how these conversations can go...

Gina (Caleeo) said...

Ditto what was said above.

Do you have his email address? Maybe he needs to be signed up for lots of junk mail? Just a thought! LOL

thegypsymama said...

NO FREAKIN WAY!! The same crazy, ickky man?? I just can't believe it!! My skin is actually crawling just reading this - but my inner cheerleader is also giving a big RA RA to the Tongginator for knowing how to put her foot down, and to do so with a flair all her own!

discombobulated said...

Oh My Goodness! What kind of "business" does this man have that he wants to ask you ridiculous questions and then shove his card at you. I think that's great that you now ask Miss T. what, if any info she is comfortable sharing.

Annie said...

Wow!!!! Good for you!!! I hope I have that same kind of courage as Lizzie gets older and more aware!! Wow!!

Mei-Ling said...

I can't believe that man had the "guts" to talk about China "thinks girls are evil" or whatever it was.

Surely he realized the Tongginator was RIGHT BESIDE YOU?

bbmomof2boys said...

Yep, I used to be one of those stalkers in Target!!! The big difference is I didn't ask questions or make rude remarks when the parents would talk to me. I would start the conversation with "Your daughter is beautiful. We are in line to also adopt from China." If they wanted to talk about their experience in China or had any tips that would usually open the door. If they didn't want to talk and just said "thank you" I would just smile and walk away.

Too bad there are people in this world who just don't get it.


a little leprechaun said...

WOW!!! That is scary! Seriously, what are the chances?? And he doesn't feel 'ashamed' of his rude intrusive questions, if he will give you his name. Is he hoping you will give your name?? Just strange...

I do appreciate the great comeback comments.

Dita said...

Well, now, TM...clearly the Tongginator is learning to hold her own. I read this post and the subsequent one about her top 10 list and I think she is armed with the best arsenal a gal can have...knowledge, facts and power. She's a chip off the ol' TM!

I'm so proud of her and I ain't even her Mama!

so, I'm dying to know what kind of business is this idiot in? Why was he so compelled to give you his BUSINESS card TWICE! Did you tell him you threw it away the first time he gave it to you?

I concur with the ICK factor voiced by my commenter breathren.

Mahmee said...

Now this one is in a class all by himself...a rude asshat as well as a total pervy freak. Blech.
We had almost the same 'conversation' with a man just this evening. I'll probably blog about it because it's been 2 hours and I'm still annoyed. When R was younger, I would sometimes look at these people and say, "you do know she can hear you, right?". But alas, they never really get it, do they? Grrrr.