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Wednesday, August 19, 2009

All Quacked Up

During our weekend away in Philly, the Fish Family decided that the Husband and I would just LOVE to take the Tongginator on a "Ride the Ducks" jaunt. If you don't know what that means, basically it involves clamoring into a WWII DUKW amphibious craft that takes its passengers on a historic tour of Philly, both through its cobblestone streets and floating in the Delaware River. The Delaware River that, by World War II, experts declared completely toxic along the Philadelphia shoreline. To top it off, you have to throw in some Wacky Quackers, noisemakers ala New Years' Eve, but with a duck-billed twist. Oh, and the humidity level reached 94% on Saturday.

In other words, Mrs. Fish and One Fish just plain hate us.

Thank goodness the girls made fans out of construction
paper before we ventured forth for the day! It was HOT!


We actually had a blast, y'all. At first anyways... I should have known the craft captain would be excessively punny because the company's website advertises their services as "edu-tainment." And he was... our little group of eight giggled our way through the first part of the tour, especially since the captain delivered his one-liners with the boldness and conviction of a vaudeville tramp. You kinda need to be bold when you tell jokes with a punchline "because ducks wake up at the quack of dawn."

Mrs. Fish taking her quacking lessons VERY seriously

Red Fish and the Tongginator really enjoyed their quackers. They enjoyed them so much, they spent the better part of three blocks bouncing up and down in the seats, quacking and quacking and quacking and quacking and... okay, I'll spare you. My sensory self felt about about ready to lose it, but I managed to stay sane by focusing on the history. Because Tonggu Momma is a history buff, y'all. Big time.

okay, so they don't LOOK like torture devices...

But about one-third of the way through the tour, the Tongginator got all quacked up... literally. She must have bounced a little too hard with the quacker in her mouth because her lip split open. Quite impressively, actually. Since I am a bad momma, I had nothing to use to stem the tide, so the craft captain broke open his first aid kit. I swear moths must have flown out of that thing. He didn't have any ice packs, so he tried to give me an ice pack from his personal cooler.

Umm... how does one politely turn down a dirty, possibly beer-encrusted ice pack?

I said no thank you, but I might possibly have also given him a "this is disgusting and I can't possibly place this in my child's mouth" grimace. We used gauze instead. Lots and lots of gauze. Because the first aid kit probably dated back to WWII. And the gauze only came in size two foot by one foot - or some such size suitable for actual war wounds.

my poor baby recovering from her war wound

She slept almost the rest of the way through the tour, waking up only during the last five minutes of the river ride, asking, "what state are we in?" I wanted to say, "the state of insanity," but I behaved and said Pennsylvania. She fully recovered from that point on, enjoying the music, the sights and the general quackery of our kind captain, who kept checking to make sure the Tongginator was fully recovered.

The Fish family REALLY enjoyed themselves... the husband and I loved listening to the history of Philly (more history in one square mile than anywhere else in the USA)... and the Tongginator managed to have fun despite getting all quacked up.

Ba-duh-boom.

25 comments:

happygeek said...

Looks like fun (minus the split lip) but I am certain those whistles would have driven me quackers.

Sarah said...

My mom always wanted to go on one of those in Boston but there's always a massive line. Seriously you need to book yourself on a boat days in advance. I found one in Seattle just to say we've been on a duck tour (and hoping my mom would give up the Boston location). It was a good time but I don't know if just the 2 of us will go again,

bbmomof2boys said...

Oh...those whistles...I WOULD have gone nuts. Poor Tongginator - busted lip and bad momma wasn't prepared! Of course, its not like I carry first aid kits in my purse either! And...is that you holding her???

Hugs,
Carla

Dita said...

I am in tears laughing so hard. You quack me up TM, but then you knew that didn't ya!

War wounds, ecoli icepack, ear-splitting, lip splitting devices...oh my!

Nice cleavage shot, TM, Girl, you can give me a serious run for my money...only I'm old...and you're not! Nuf said!

Kim K. said...

Ok. I'll never think of duck tours the same way again. Whew.

Andrea said...

We were going to take the Duck Boat tour when my mil was here, but the river was too high. Hope her lip is all healed!

Lisa said...

OH NO...that's no way for a quacky Duck ride to go?? Ouch...I'm sorry to hear that little T got hurt, but it sure sounded like fun before the incident!(well, the load quacking noises notwithstanding....LOL) :) I admire your love of the History as it allows to tune out said quackature! Ack..o.k. no more "quack" cracks.....quacksolutely not! ;)

We have ridden the Ducks in the Wisconsin Dells and its always fun & bumpy! But never have we had a guide like yours!

I'm glad your journey overall was so great and I hope that little sister arrives soon...Little T does indeed look sister ready!

P.S. Your reply to old friends/blogaversary post left my hubster with the chills.....giggle...

thegypsymama said...

It is taking all my self-control not to share the many jokes cackling up in my mind about the comfort of a mother's bosom that one of those photos evokes! hee hee.

jen@odbt said...

We saw those quack tours in NYC too but we wanted to avoid the Hudson. I'm sorry about T's lip - poor thing. It's so funny how kids have no concept of distance. My kids always ask if we're in a different state when we're only 10 miles away. Ha!

Dawn said...

Come visit us... we have one of those that tour downtown Austin and then culminate with a float on Lake Austin. And, we have less humidity here! LOL

Holly said...

Wow.
I have some extra panda cupcakes from Josiah's adoption day party...maybe I should send one to the Tongginator?
Poor kid!

Buckeroomama said...

Poor thing.

Will have to check out those Duck Tours next time. I decided not to go on one when we were in NYC because it felt too touristy. Yeah, even though I was a tourist. Heh.

3 Peanuts said...

I grew up in the Philly burbs and have never been on one of these but was feeling a it homesick reading your post. So sorry about the war wound but I am glad y'all had fun anyway:)

Annie said...

We had one of those quackers - it didn't last long:) Hope the poor little lip feels better!!! Ouch!!

Patricia/NYC said...

Ohhhh....poor Tongginator!! I actually got squeamish reading the split lip part (I am a BIG ol' baby...I would have fainted on the spot...see my bloody nose posts)...but I have to tell you, I was quacking up at your (almost) answer to "what state are we in?"

You REALLY should publish these stories!

Sharie said...

Oh boy that sounds really LOUD and BUMPY...I felt myself getting a bit carsick and was waiting for that - never expected the split lip...Poor T!

I was thinking about taking Amelia on one of those this weekend...now reconsidering - I will be checking for quackers before purchasing tickets!

The Gang's Momma said...

Oh, dear sweaty tired friend. You should have waddled up a few miles north. You could have waddled yourselves right into our pool and joined the birthday fun. We kept relatively cool and refreshed despite the 20+ kids running and jumping everywhere during our family gathering. A few more little ducklings wouldn't have disrupted the pond at all :)

discombobulated said...

hilarious. What a quacky, I mean quirky story. I hope her lip is ok now.

Jboo said...

Oh no -- your poor girl! Glad she recovered nicely! Made me miss my fave big city, Philadephia!!

Janet

Aunt LoLo said...

Oh, poor Miss T!! I can VIVIDLY remember those little quackers from our trip to Philly. They were EVERYWHERE. Kids adore those little things. (Have you hidden Miss T's yet? ;-))

Mom to 5...Daughter of the King said...

I'd have loved this, minus the busted lip of course....

Patty O. said...

Glad you had fun, despite the broken lip.

a little leprechaun said...

You quack me up!! ;-)

Cavatica said...

It was a quacking good time on Sunday too! No blood on our trip. I wonder if they were better equipped by then?

LaLa said...

Love it...Annslee has one of those, can't remember who hated us enough to give it to her. Coby found it and now I hear it A LOT!!!