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Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Classic Tongginator, Part 2

Keep thinking about your OWN Tongginator stories! I want to read them on Friday!

"Her Beloved Subjects on the Plane"

In honor of the 2008 Miss America Pageant tonight because my feminist self totally and secretly watches it, y'all, I wanted to share a Tongginator story that really highlights one significant part of that long-standing institution.

Our story happened almost one year ago, during a flight out west to see the Husband's family. Our first flight experienced a few technical difficulties, which caused a slight delay, but the airline sadistically kindly held our connecting flight for a few minutes. We ran through the Denver airport, ladened with preschooler paraphernalia, looking like contestants from The Amazing Race, only not as well dressed, with actual luggage and a three-year-old in tow.

Of course our family stepped onto the second plane dead last, with our daughter the Tongginator leading the way. All of the other passengers sat - some patiently, some not so much - while we gently hurried along our then just-turned-three-year-old.

In this type of situation, with dozens if not close to a hundred adult eyes turned toward them, many young children might freeze up, searching for mom's reassuring shoulder. Not our Tongginator! She took one look and thought: "Aha! Captive Audience!"

The Tongginator began waving to each individual she passed, not with the exuberant wave of a preschooler, but with The Pageant Wave. You know the one I'm talking about: the wave Queen Elizabeth perfected in the 1950's. As our Tongginator passed each row, looking both left and right, she graced individuals with polite greetings such as: "well, hello" and "how are you?" and "isn't this a beautiful day?" all the while kindly waving to her beloved Subjects on the Plane.

I could feel the heat rushing to my face. I felt so embarrassed. I couldn't wait for the moment to end. And then...

When the Tongginator reached the last row of business class, she suddenly came to a dead stop. Turning to a businessman reading The Wall Street Journal, she quickly asked him, "Excuse me. I have a wedgie. Can you fix my wedgie for me?"

Oh. The. Horror.

The embarrassment.

The moment you never wish to relive.

At least five rows of passengers broke out in laughter. Tears streamed down one woman's face. I heard passengers in the far back asking, "What did she say?" and "Did you hear?"

I quickly knelt down, solved the problem and hurried our little Tongginator along, passing over 30 people, who all glanced from my red face to our Piglet's tiny hiney and back again.

Once we were seated and settled, I knew I couldn't waste this highly teachable moment. And so began our painfully embarrassing conversation, with at least two rows of ears straining to hear.

"Tongginator, there are people who are allowed to fix your wedgies. And there are people who are NOT allowed to fix your wedgies. Who do you think is allowed to fix your wedgies?" The Tongginator thought about that question for a minute and then replied, "You and Daddy. And Grammy and Grandfather. And Aunt KK." I nodded my head and added, "Yes, and Uncle BLC, too. He's allowed to help you, too." The Tongginator looked at me gravely for a minute, then shook her head and announced, "Uncle BLC told me he doesn't DO wedgies."

As the plane erupted in laughter yet again, I quietly tried to sink through the floor.

From January, 2008


Heather of the EO said...

I freaking LOVE this story.

bbmomof2boys said...

kids! Don't you love it! Our lives wouldn't be half as much fun without them, kwim?!!


Johnny said...


The Source said...

That girl! She's such a character! Better to have the entire plane laughing along with you than glaring meanly because a three year old is on board.

Dawn said...

I think this makes at least the top three list of all time T stories!!! It was just as funny this time as the first time I read it. Maybe even funnier since we just traveled by plane this past weekend - very vivid mind picture of the event! LOL


Holly said...

My how God must have thought you needed a good dose of humility when He blessed you with this daughter!
I can't wait to hear what His plans for her are...she is going to do great things. NO doubt about it. Great things.
I hope you're feeling all better...I've been praying.

Marla said...

OMG, I nearly shot coffee on my keyboard. That girl cracks me up!!!

LaLa said...

Just as funny as the first time I read it....LOVE IT!!

Brandi said...

That is absolutely HILARIOUS!!!! The Tongginator is one funny little girl! LOVE IT!!!!

Rhonda said...





Sharie said...

This is my favorite Tongginator story EVER and I could read it a hundred times and still laugh...just seeing the title I giggled:)

Aunt LoLo said...

I so totally read this yesterday while perusing your archives. (Turns out...I didn't miss many of your posts! LOL) I LOVE THIS STORY.

Oh, and I've got a story or two for Friday. ;-)

Jboo said...

Oh my gosh -- that is so funny!! What a great airplane story! :)


The Gang's Momma said...

Oh my word! I think this is my new favorite kid travel story.

No stories of our own yet. I'm just content to read yours and giggle. After all, it's not me yet :)

However, I have a feeling my Li'l Empress will be putting me through an equally memorable royal wringer soon enough. Then you can giggle at me :)

Myrnie said...

HAHA. Oh dear....oh deary dear. That's some little girl! :) I would have loved to be on that plane :)

laura said...

YEAH for innocence! I hope that the WSJ reader got a big laugh from the Togginator. Love her moxie!

Mamatini said...

Oh that one's a classic! Just as good the second time around.

One of my favorites is not a Tongginator story but a Tonggu Momma story - does that count?

It's the one of you falling down the hole at camp. (It STILL has me snorting inappropriately just thinking about it!)

rosemary said...

Once I was tourguiding a group of folks through Israel and the only kid on the bus (roughly age 8) stood up and told everyone that she really wanted a baby sister but that Mommy had told her Daddy's weenie had to work different for that to happen so she got a puppy instead.

I swear to God. It really happened. It was too awful for people to even laugh.

Patty O. said...

Oh, man, I would have LOVED to have been on that plane. That is classic. Too, too funny.

And I'm with Uncle BLC with his wedgie philosophy!

Thanks for the laugh!

gretchen from lifenut said...

She's a riot!

Joan said...

Oh My... I was laughing so hard I had tears.... Thank you !

Krista ~ Bits and pieces said...

Your blog never dissappoints~ thank you for this post I loved it!

Mom to 5...Daughter of the King said...

This made me laugh the first time and just now made me laugh again!

Alyson & Ford said...

She is just too much!! Too funny!
I guess I won't be too shocked when AA embarrasses me.... I'll just think of you!

Alyzabeth's Mommy for Ten Months!

Cheri said...

This story is PRICELESS!! One of my favorites.

Lisa said...

Hilarious...your girl got some spunk!! And I just bet that business man still tells the story of the cute little girl with the wedgie! :)

And I think I may have one to share too!! heh-heh....

Loved the laugh...thank you!

YoonSeon said...

LOL that's hilarious. =D

Kayce said...

I had to read that one out loud to the husband!! That's a great laugh!

The Gypsy Mama said...

This post is the reason I became addicted to your blog in the first place!!

Cavatica said...

I live in fear of this, as daughter Bing-Bing, is 2 1/2. It's coming soon!