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Sunday, November 23, 2008

Sunday Linkage

As always, I don't necessarily agree or disagree with these links, but I believe they are important to consider. For those of you new around here, I'm an adoptive momma. Each Sunday I try to post links relevant to the China- adoptive community. I read some of these linked posts while nodding my head in agreement... others stretch my mind as I seek to understand. Always, always, I consider them.

National Adoption Day Is Not My Holiday -- adoptive momma (domestic) Dawn at this woman's work... what National Adoption Day is REALLY about

Finding Truth -- a guest post by adult adoptee Amie of Mamma Loves at A Child Chosen... the reason why she loves St. Patrick's Day

Dancing With Maddie -- first mother Mocha Momma... describing her relationship with her daughter, whom she placed for adoption about 20 years ago

Waiting... for... -- waiting adoptive parent (domestic) Momma Dramma and the Hope Family at Muse and the Moon... pondering what it means to wait (HAT TIP to Thanksgiving Mom at I Should Really Be Working)

State Department 2008 FY Stats -- adoptive momma (China) the Rumor Queen shares the State Department statistics showing a drastic reduction in the number of international adoptions from China as compared with previous years

Chapter 3... and Questions-- adult adoptee and adoptive momma (Ethiopia) Mom to the Ellerbee Eight at Meant to Bee... about the importance of lifebooks and sharing your child's story often enough

My Chinese Son -- adoptive momma and special needs advocate (China) Stefanie at Ni Hao Y'all... are you open to adopting a boy? are you sure? Stefanie wasn't... at first

Adding Insult to Injury -- first mother Robin at Motherhood Deleted... why she dislikes the term birthmother and the abbreviation she finds even more offensive (WARNING: some profanity used.)

1000 Days -- waiting to adopt (China) PIPO at The VaChina Monologues... a letter to her future child after 1000 days of waiting to adopt


Suzy said...

Interesting reading. Hope your trip is going well. I'll be praying for you.

CC said...

How many blogs are in your reader girl??? I keep adding more and more no thanks to YOU!!

Monica said...

Before we traveled to China in 1995 to adopt our first child, I had a friend (from China) write a letter for me requesting that we be allowed to keep the clothes Darcy came to us in, in exchange for new replacement clothing we brought with us....explaining that it was a tangible piece of her history that we wanted to preserve for her (at that time, the procedure was for the orphanage officials to strip the babies buck naked before leaving, taking the clothes the baby had been wearing back to the orphanage with them). Because of this advanced preparation, we were able to have the very worn, often patched, multiple layers of oversized clothing that our child was wearing when we first met her. They smelled of woodsmoke. They were part of her past. They were probably the same clothes she had worn for months. (What a change in 2002 when we traveled to pick up our youngest daughter...she came out to us in a spanking brand-new adorable little pink snow suit that she had been dressed in just for the occasion. Long gone were the days of stripping the babies bare because those clothes were desperately needed by the remaining children in the orphange.)

Another thing we did back in 1996 was to ask if we could speak with our daughter's foster mother. We were able to get her address and go through the list of questions about our baby that we had prepared beforehand. The answer to those questions and the clothes she came to us in are the only piece to her past she has. But it is far more than her little sister has. Little sister did not have a foster mother and the staff in her orphanage was frequently rotated from one area of the orphanage to another so that no staff member would have time to get attached to any particular child. (The director was quite proud as he explained this to me. It made me almost cry.) There was no one there that seemed to KNOW anything specific about my baby or have any connection to her...even the adorable, brand-new snowsuit she came to me had not been hers until a few minutes before she was brought to our hotel to be given to us. There was still a price sticker on her socks.

Sometimes you have a real chance to glean glimpses of your child's past through the persons you will momentarily cross paths with at the time that you receive your child...sometimes, all the traces of their past has been scrubbed clean.

You should make every effort to find out whatever you can when you are there receiving your child...it is such a fleeting window...and if your child never is interested, nothing lost...but, what precious bits of information you can give them if they are interested when they have grown older and the trail is no longer there to retrace.

Beverly said...

boy that motherhood deleted is very angry. Saddens me that she doesn't see the link between abortion and adoption. My aunt actually fell in the time period of being coerced into giving a child up in the 50s. It is very sad and though there are very unethical practices in lots of places adoption should remain an option. If the women who are aborting their children were targeted to stop the abortion and allow the adoption and those who wish to parent could be given the chance to do so I see a win win all the way around. Of course from China we have no answers on to why or how for birth families. And I am so confused on what to call them. I actually just tell G about her first family.

Fliss and Mike Adventures said...

Happy Thanksgiving to you all... didn't want to say it in the latest post... wasn't the right place... hugs to ya...

Mocha said...

I thank you very much for your consideration. For lack of a better excuse, I'm new to this and am navigating the best way I can and can only hope to do the most ethical and loving thing that is required of me by my new relationship.

thanksgivingmom said...

Thanks for the hat tip!

Always better than a wave of the finger :)