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Monday, September 8, 2008

Phone Faux Pas

The Tongginator's "bestest friends," twins Cinnamon and Spice, recently mastered a very important skill called Answering the Phone. These past few weeks, I've often been the fortunate recipient of their newly discovered talent. Unfortunately, however, their momma Canuck K discovered they may need a little more coaching on said skill. Perhaps they haven't mastered it as well as they'd we'd she'd like.

Last week, Canuck K found herself... umm... indisposed while the phone rang. When the ringing stopped, she assumed that the answering machine kicked on. Alas, no. Instead her daughter Spice picked up the phone. Canuck K didn't hear much, but she did hear this...

SPICE: Yes, my momma is here, but she can't come to the phone right now. She's having a Big Poopie. And it's a REALLY big one.

CANUCK K: (from the bathroom) Spice!!! Who are you talking to?

SPICE: Nobody, momma. I mean, I was... but now no one's there.

Spice was correct. Mystery Lady hung up the phone after hearing all about Canuck K's Big Poopie. Canuck K does not know the identity of this person. She can only hope it was a telemarketer.

So help me make Canuck K feel better, y'all. What have your children said to completely humiliate humble you?


Fliss and Mike Adventures said...

Hahahahahahaha... thanks for the tip... will have to train Shauna when her time comes... hahaha

Georgia Peach said...

May I suggest: "Everybody Poops" by Taro Gomi.

And now, the 6th grader in me would like to add....BAH HA HAHAHA HAHAHAHA AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA AHAHAH



Sorry, Canuk K. But thanks for the laughs.

Lisa said...

Too funny. I too have heard a few phone conversations with my girls and someone on the other line that resulted in tha person being told EXACTLY what I was doing at that moment. Good times.

Briana's Mom said...

Ok - I cannot stop laughing. I am now picturing my future humiliations!

Aunt LoLo said...

(I have to preface this with a quick statement - my father trained all five kids in my family, at a fairly young age, to answer the phone with the same monologue, EVERY TIME: "Hello, Smith residence. May I ask who's calling?" No, we're not the Smith family...but I have to keep it anonymous, you see. ;-))

Moving on.

Let's see...there were the NUMEROUS times that I answered the phone thusly: "Dear Heavenly Father..." I guess I had too many rote scripts running through my head! (My prayers have also been known to begin, "A B C D..." or the dreaded, "Hello, Smith residence..."

My FAVORITE, though, wasn't me - it was my sarcastic, witty, DRY little brother. My father always joked that so and so wasn't available to come to the phone - they were dead. It sounds cruel now, but he mostly used it when his own sarcastic, witty, dry brother called...and then would pick up the phone immediately.

One night, at dinner, a telemarketer called. (This was before we'd learned to check caller ID.) My younger brother picked up the phone and answered it appropriately. A telemarketer responded and was quite pushy. Since we generally don't take calls during mealtime anyhow, my brother tried to end the call. The telemarketer realized he wasn't talking to the "man of the house" and asked for my father. To which my (now fed up) brother responded, completely deadpan, "I'm sorry. He's dead." The telemarketer was at a loss for words, and my brother hung up, quite pleased with himself.

My mother was mortified and my father was trying not to laugh, for my mother's sake.

mommy24treasures said...

oh my goodness! That would be embarrassing!

McEwens said...

OH MY GOSH!!! That was pretty funny! I hope it was a tele marketer!!!

Krista ~ Bits and pieces said...

That is a scream!!! Thank goodness that has not happened in my house, at least not yet~ I have to go find a piece of to 'knock on'

I needed this laugh this morning~ thanks girl!!

Half Gaelic, Half Garlic! said...

What a way to get rid of a telemarketer!!!

Too funny.....let me think....Nick has come up with a couple of hum dingers....

OK...in line at the grocery store with about 10 other people on a Saturday morning, he was maybe three or four....he happened to touch my chest and said.."Mom, why do you have all that extra padding in there"

Mortified.....my face was bright red and everyone was hysterical with laughter!

Hope that helped Canuck K feel like she is not alone....kids say the darndest things!!


Dawn said...

My kids have never said anything embarrassing on the phone, at least to my knowledge. My second son, however, did call 911 accidentally several times. One time I realized the phone was off the hook and I picked it up. The 911 operator asked if everything was okay and I told her yes and that I was sorry but my child called. The second time I didn't realize what had happened until a police officer showed up at our house to make sure everything was okay. It was embarrassing and I felt bad that the police were wasting their time checking out a non-emergency call.

Michelle said...

Recently, I was wearing my bathing suit, getting ready to take the girls to the pool, when Leila asked me why I had so many wrinkles on my bottom. OUCH!! The truth hurts.

Oh, you meant humiliation on the phone, didn't you? Well, I don't have any of those YET (at least that I am aware of), but I am sure those days are coming.

Please thank Canuck K for starting my day out with a big smile.

Growin' with it! said...

this was hilarious! gotta love how kids keep us humble.

Sharon said...

Okay, tears are pouring down my face, you are sooo funny! I would have DIED!!!!!!
Love the tougunator!!!perfectg

Heather of the EO said...

Oh how I love a good belly laugh!

My son yelled out loudly while walking by target's ladies underwear section, "hey mom LOOK, there are some BOOBERS-just like yours!!!"

Boobers? Really? I have boobers?

Nina said...

That is so funny!!!! I can only imagine the expression of the person on the other line :)

Thanks for posting those links to Chinese characters on our blog. It's really helpful and I appreciate you reaching out! Now I have some tools to help me be a detective and find out the meaning of our daughter's name!

(Journey To Kavanna)

Kristin said...

that is hysterical!! can't imagine what the caller thought. :-)

Sharie said...

The best one I've heard is my former co-worker. Her step-father was cremated and they never did anything with his ashes.

Her son answered the phone and it was someone asking for his grandpa, his reply? "I'm sorry he's in a box in the closet."
He wasn't lying...Grandpa's ashes litterally were in a box in the closet.

Heidi said...

Oh, how I can relate. I have learned to hit the floor running as soon as the phone rings. It's like a race between my three year old and I. Sadly, I lose as often as not.

Kathryn said...

OMG that is sooooo funny!!!! I can't think of anything off the top of my head, but I'm sure something happened that he said. I'm good for embarrassing myself.
Last year at a school function, my son won a small prize that was donated by another family. He handed it to me in front of some people. It was this hideous ceramic cat vase (really ugly) I looked at it and commented "What am I supposed to do with this ugly thing" to my horror the woman who donated it was standing right in front of me. If I could have crawled under a rock I would have!!!!!!!!!

kia (good enough mama) said...

I'm going to go with "humiliate" rather than "humble." Humiliation is so much more entertaining!

Little Man and I were in a very busy public washroom about a year and a half ago. Little Man said to me, "Mommy, you don't have a willy. I'm a boy so I have a willy. Daddy has a willy. It's FURRY..."


prechrswife said...

That is hilarious! No phone ones yet, but one day we were in the Lifeway store at the checkout counter, and our daughter saw the candy there. Her words, "Look Mama, treats, T-T potty!"

happygeek said...

Tooo stinkin funny.

happygeek said...

Hit publish too soon.
My son announced in a very busy restroom that he had a very large male part. Just like Daddy.
I could hear snickers coming from several different stalls.

Janet said...

Oh dear. I have also had this happen. For instance, I was in the Ikea bathroom. Sarah was two and I was ...ahem...going. She said, in a VERY loud voice, "Good girl, Mommy! You did a poop!" Yeah, thanks kid.

Also, once when I was talking to my neighbour, Cecil was hanging off of me. He looked up at me and announced, (again, in a LOUD voice), "Wow, Mom! You sure have a lot of hair up your nose!" Sigh.

Beverly said...

Glenys pulled my skirt up while standing in line at a coffee shop showing everyone behind me (the whole store) my underwear!!