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Monday, April 7, 2008

Termite Saga, Part 2

Today I must confess something quite embarrassing: Tonggu Momma is a bit of an idiot. Seriously. And, now that I think about it, the Husband is as well. Here it is - my grand confession...

I spotted the termites last Thursday.

Oh, you didn't hear me? Okay, I'll say it again a bit louder.

I spotted the termites last Thursday... only I didn't know they were termites. Lest you be kind, excusing my idiocy by saying that anyone could miss it if they only saw a few of them, I should share that I saw hundreds of the little stinkers.


I so wish I had the forethought to snap a photo, but of course I didn't. Because Tonggu Momma is an idiot.

Thursday afternoon, I chatted on the phone with my agency friend Wendy (momma to Tinkerbelle and Peter Pan). We spent over an hour planning our upcoming China adoption presentation. While on the phone, I noticed what looked to be a flying ant staggering around on a throw rug in our kitchen. Once I rounded the corner, and upon closer inspection, I discovered hundreds of them congregating in and around our sliding glass door. I do not understand how I failed to spot them until that point because there truly were HUNDREDS OF THEM.

Once I detected the horde, however, I did what any sane mother of a preschooler would do: I killed them all using several dozen baby wipes and cleaned up the mess by scrubbing the area with even more baby wipes, all the while talking to Wendy on the phone, never mentioning the gruesome task that I performed.

I did briefly question whether or not the "flying ants" could possibly be termites, so I saved a few corpses for the Husband to analyze. Once he arrived home, and after performing a brief autopsy, the Husband also deemed the insects "flying ants." This is why he, too, is a bit of an idiot.

No one told us that termite swarmers are black. No one told us that termite swarmers have wings. No one told us that termite swarmers look like flying ants... well, they sort of resemble flying ants. Now that the Husband I are Termite Experts, allow us to educate the masses:

I'm sure many of you could care less, since you live in Colder Climes and have no need for the information. I mean, why should you need to learn this? You don't have this problem. Of course not, because you live in an Ideal Place Without Termites. And no, I'm not bitter. Not at all. Why should I be? I'm dealing with a Termite Infested House while you sit with your feet up, without a care in the world since there are No Termites In Sight. But I'm venting here, so please pretend to be interested.

When you see something that looks like a flying ant exiting a hole in your home, and it proceeds to fly and/or crawl towards a light source... well, I learned today that this is a Bad Sign. It means that you have hundreds of thousands of roommates, living in your walls, eating your wood.


The Husband and I put two and two together on Sunday afternoon, when we actually spotted several "flying ants" crawling out of a hole in our floor. After leaning in for a closer look, Tonggu Momma became revolted at the sight of a Real Termite. (You know -- one that actually looks like a termite because it is white and doesn't look like a flying ant.)

The True Termite Expert arrived this afternoon and patrolled our yard. He showed me over eight nests that surround our home on all sides. I do not exaggerate. I saw Real Termites (white ones) just inches below the soil beside our rose bushes, under our stepping stones, near the storm drain and next to my budding crocuses.

I'll say it again... Eeewwww.

We did experience a slight scare in the basement when we spotted small holes all over one wall (because that would mean that my unwanted roommates had moved from INSIDE the walls to OUTSIDE the walls). I must say it again: Tonggu Momma is an idiot. In complete panic mode, I forgot that our dart board cabinet hangs just above that section of the wall. The holes exist because most of our friends possess terrible aim.

We've scheduled the Mass Execution for Wednesday afternoon. Stay tuned.


Kim said...

Oh my goodness! We had termites in San Antonio and again in Missouri...they are horrid little creatures and very expensive to remove...that is one of the few advantages of living in Grand Forks...its too darn cold for them to survive...Praise God!!! I hope that they can get them under control without damaging your home

bugs parents said...

Nothing personal - but this probably wasn't the best post to read just before bedtime! I imagine a night of insect-filled dreams/nightmares! Hope you get them cleared up easily. What do you think - does God have a special place in heaven for termites? What exactly was He thinking when He created those things?

Janet said...

Okay, let's get one thing clear, sister. We do NOT sit with out feet up here in the colder part 'o the world. WE HAVE TO SHOVEL SNOW ALL DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ;-)

Okay, maybe not ALLL day, and maybe the snow is melting-ish, but we DO have yucky things here, you know. Like bees, sometimes. And june bugs. ANd skunks.

a Tonggu Momma said...

I guess I do owe a few of you some apologies because of my vent yesterday. Bug's Momma -- you're right -- shouldn't have posted just before bedtime. And yes, I did stay up a tad late with visions of termites dancing in my head. I hope you slept well, though. :)
Janet -- in my extreme state yesterday, I forgot about your snow. I know, how can that be possible, you ask? I have no excuse. When I enter into a rant like that, I experience snow tunnel vision. :) (But at least your newest family members will arrive in April and not November.)
Hugs to all - and yes, I just decontaminated myself so you won't catch termite cooties.

Gerbil said...

i prob wouldn't have recognized them either.

discombobulated said...

ick, yuck, bleck!
I didn't think they came inside the house- I thought they stayed within the walls.
Hope u get 'em good.
Hope Tongginator doesn't try to eat one.

Aunt LoLo said...

Eww, eww, eww, eww, EWWWWWWW! Creeper crawlers are yucky.

This mature message was brought to you by a little house mama from the northwest where we don't have termites, but we know all the spiders in the house by name, genus and species!